It seems like there's no way for a procedure like a "Vampire Face-Lift" to live up to the sensational spookiness of its name. But it can. It's real name is Selphyl and it involves having blood drawn from your arm, then spun around in a machine to separate the platelets, then getting it injected into your face. The idea behind it is that it will cause fresh collagen production, but we're pretty sure that it just causes rich older women to be even more terrifying than they already are.

Bats are a traditional feature of spooky Halloween decorations, so you're probably over them by now. You shouldn't be. Bats are terrifying. Here are a few bat facts to remember next time you see a "bird" at night: they've been around for over 50 million years, they can grow to have a 6 ft wingspan, those wings are made of skin, their colonies are huge (20-40 million live in a single cave in San Antonio, TX), and, oh yeah, their saliva has an anti-clotting agent so they can drink your blood for hours on end.

Celebration, Florida is a real town where people live and work and go to school. It's also owned by Disney. Disney built an "idyllic" town in 1996, and then people actually moved there. As of 2010, 7,427 people lived in Celebration, FL and enjoy the fake snow the town puts out during its Christmas events. And, in case you weren't properly convinced that this place is a total creepville: it just recently had its first murder. We don't know what's creepier, that someone was murdered, that it took so long for someone to be murdered, or that the murder weapon was a poisoned apple.

Do you ever lie awake at night, trying to find your place in the universe? If so, give up. If Einstein's Theory of Relativity is correct, gravity bends all of space and time around an endless curve, which means that there can never be any correct answer to your questions about humanity's comparable value in the universe because such measurement is impossible and you'd probably be too stupid to understand it anyway.

Of course, the star of all terror: death. You could die at any second. You could be dead before you finish this sentence. Want to pretend like that doesn't scare you? Look at the last text you sent. Look at the contents of your underwear drawer. Look at your browser history. You should constantly be afraid of dying because someone is going to find that stuff and that's the only shred of evidence left of your fragile, pathetic life.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!