My girlfriend likes to pretend that her breasts are defibrillator paddles and proceeds to yell, "CLEAR," then jolt me with her naked chest. Can't say that I am complaining.
After a very sweaty session in bed, my girlfriend and I spent more time on laughing and making farting noises by pressing together our sweat-ridden stomachs than actual sex.
My boyfriend really loves boobs, and has recently decided that he must make the Dr. Zoidberg "Woopwoopwoopwoop!" noise while playing with mine.
So my husband and I are sitting on the couch watching Food Network when one of the chefs starts talking about polenta. My husband then asks me:
"What's polenta? Isn't that the thing that came out of your vajayjay when you had the kids?"
Him, "Oh yeah that's the placenta."
I play this game with my girlfriend where I take my shoe and sock off and stick my foot in her face and say "Foot phone! Ring ring!" She always has to answer it. Extra points for doing it in public.
I gave my boyfriend a hickey and the next morning his mom started calling me "Vampira".
After him having broken off a 5 year relationship I met up with my ex to transfer the bills over to my name and ended up in tears. The only thing I could think of to say was: "Your face makes me cry!"
My best friend keeps her boyfriend on a short leash by threatening to add his mother on Facebook if he doesn't obey.
My boyfriend and I were skyping, and after staring at the screen for a moment, he says, "I wonder why guys faces, who never use makeup, look better then most girls faces without makeup." As he was staring at me after a shower
and he wonders why I took this personally
My girlfriend is super annoying when sober, but really cool and fun when drunk. That's why I like to get her drunk as much as possible. I have a feeling our relationship isn't going to end well.
A guy wrote to "Dating it's complicated" and said he doesn't know if his relationship will last because his girlfriend doesn't like bacon. My wife doesn't like bacon. Every time she gets a sandwich that's supposed to come with bacon, she gives it to me. It's a win win. So yeah, he should keep her around.
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