Short Shorts. Why: No other direction for shorts to go without being pants.

Beepers. Why: Logical next step since the popularity of walkee-talkees on cell phones. Also drugs are coming back.

Berlin Wall. Why: Popularity of heavy-metal music coming out of former East Germany is calling for genre's "good "'ole days."

Housewives. Why: Huge success of ABC's Desperate Housewives is making women yearn for the life of staying at home and watching after their children while cooking for their husbands when they get home.

World Wars. Why: History Channel's constant programming of the topic has finally garnered enough interest to bring back the original versions.

Franz Ferdinand. Why: Scottish band Franz Ferdinand's phone number is one digit off from the cryogenic freezing department where the former Archduke, and powder keg of WW1, is located. The massive demand for the band is getting confused as a request to thaw the duke.

Mandatory Hats. Why: Ashton Kutcher's trucker hat craze made the new generation of "whippersnappers" have a hankering for 23 skidoo's, which will lead to hats, formerly associated with people at amusement park games, be worn by all.

Phonographs. Why: Retro popularity of old records is too mainstream.

Morse Code. Why: First the popularity of walkee-talkers, then the inevitable popularity of beepers (above), dots and dashes will be next.

Reading. Why: Success of books turned into movies will lead to people wanting to know what books are all about.

Horse and buggies. Why: An episode of the upcoming season of Pimp my Ride, where someone says they like horses, and Xzibit provides a "gen-u-wine" horse and buggy will spark the trend.

Ottoman Empire. Why: Fast-moving copies of Lonely Planet's guide to Eastern Europe.

Lynchings. Why: Frustration from white's failure that it's easier to be racist than to accept they'll never be as cool as black people.

Muskets. Why: Liberal's ironic acceptance of the second amendment and "joking" love of hunting and guns will lead to a very serious competition to have the coolest look to one's gun.

Lack of sanitation. Why: Popularity of books (above) will lead people to learn of a fellow named Shakespeare. To appreciate his time period, people will wipe their asses with their hands and dump their trash in rivers.

Inquisitions. Why: Backlash to The Da Vinci Code's success will make Christians yearn for the days of conversion or death.

World Being Flat. Why: Huge ratings for reality shows starring ditzy blondes will lead teenage-girls to think that being as stupid as possible is the coolest thing that can be done. Thus rejection of all modern science (evolution, penicillin) will be "in."

Latin. Why: Combination of knowing English not being a sign of pretentiousness anymore, and too many people knowing Spanglish.

Roman Gods. Why: Refusal to accept that global warming could possibly be our fault will lead to the retro return of Neptune.

Huns. Why: "Red states" will get annoyed with trying to cope with "Blue states'" "pussy-dom" as they will call it, and realize they could easily conquer things and make "'em their way in the "git-er-done" fashion, and bring back the days of global domination. Also the porn website with the same name.

Big Bangs. Why: Cloning is too passé.

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