Courtship – it's like currency for sex. The swooning, the movie/dinner dates, the gifts, the canoodling – all of this is used as bartering fodder in exchange for sex with the people who aren't too drunk and lonely to give it out for free. However, as is the case with all kinds of currency, there are people out there willing to steal hard-earned romantic sentiments without ponying up the ass-play in return – leaving you broke, bored and sexually unsatisfied while they make intimate with the misunderstood, artistic kid down the hall that plays guitar. These people are guilty "pseudoing."

Essentially, pseudoing, when broken down to its basics, involves taking in an individual, putting them through all the rigors of dating (the talks, the cuddles, the Gilmore Girls marathons) without providing any genital recognition in return. Basically, it's like using someone to give you all the nice stuff involved with dating without any sex for their trouble. In most cases, the person doing the pseudoing (the pseudoer, — usually, but not always, a girl) is having regular casual sex with someone other than the person they are pseudoing (the pseudoee).

Pseudo dating is a practice that dates centuries back. Some scholars theorize that the concept of pseudo dating spawned during the mythical Arthurian Era, when Queen Guinevere would use King Arthur for moral support, guidance, power and financial security while banging Sir Lancelot on the side. Since then, pseudo dating has become a common, yet unspoken practice.

Some famous men and women who've been pseudo'd include Mark Hamill, Willie Aymes, former president Richard Nixon, Tom Bosley, James Taylor, the fat chick from Wilson-Phillips, Lance Bass, both members of Hall & Oates, Rob Schneider, and, most recently, Jennifer Anniston.

The sad and tragic part of the whole pseudo relationship is that the pseudoee never realizes they're being pseudo'd in the first place. Because of this, I've devised a short list of telltale warning signs as a public service.
You're probably being pseudo'd if"

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