The Eight Stages of College Debt - Image 1

1. AdmittanceSo you've received your acceptance letters. Maybe you got into your first choice, maybe you didn't. Either way, you're going to run into a shit-ton of debt (or about 0.91 metric shit-tons, for you non-Americans). But hey, no need to care about that yet, right? You're still in high school, for goodness' sake. You even have a few more months before you ruin your chances with Megan by vomiting on her shoes after shot-gunning a beer for the first time. You have your whole life to worry about real problems, there's no reason to start now.

The Eight Stages of College Debt - Image 1

2. RealizationEventually, you start college and face the age-old question: "so how are you going to pay for all this, fucktard?" For the long-term, you figure you'll take out loans or something. But you know that's not enough. You realize the responsible thing to do is to get a job, and soon.

The Eight Stages of College Debt - Image 1

3. LaborSo you get the unrewarding, miserable sort of job every teenager gets. You work dozens of hours a week on top of doing school work, and miss out on plenty of the fun your friends have. Though much to your displeasure, this job still doesn't pay enough, and you'll need to find a way to get more cash. You know, you learn so much in college. Like the ability to build relationships, organize information, and owe someone else money for the the majority of your adult life.

The Eight Stages of College Debt - Image 1

4. The Side-JobIn your search for extra work, you turn to Craigslist or the newspaper for ads. Not all of the jobs look worth your time, but you eventually find one that fits. You look around a lot, seeing what fits around your already busy schedule. So you eventually settle on a guy that pays $500 just for you to deliver some paintings to someone in the warehouse part of town. Sure, it sounds a bit odd, but he pays in cash and you need the dough.

The Eight Stages of College Debt - Image 1

5. You Get Arrested Because How Were You Supposed to Know Those Paintings Were Stolen From a Major Art MuseumOkay, so this could could've happened to anyone. You meet the buyer just like you were told. Everything was going just fine. But it turns out the guy you were selling to was not as much of an art collector as he was an undercover cop. Yeah, you've been caught, but you're pretty sure that if you just cooperate and go to the station and explain yourself, everything will be just fine. LOL, college can be so stressful sometimes.

The Eight Stages of College Debt - Image 1

6. You Strangle a Guard in the Precinct Locker Room Because They Can't Take Your Freedom.So they decide to keep you at the station overnight. You can't let them do this to you, you're just a hardworking student trying to get by, you don't deserve this. So you spend some time hatching an escape plan. You hear through the grapevine that there's only one guard on duty in the bathroom, so you figure if he's out of the way, you're home free. Sure, sometimes you'll look back and wonder if all this was necessary, but 50 hours community service sounded really scary at the time.

The Eight Stages of College Debt - Image 1

7. You Go IncognitoIt's probably not the best idea to attract attention, being on the run from the law and whatnot. So you gather the best disguise you can until you feel you can get back on track. It probably won't be long until everything's back to normal again, right? HAHAHA RIGHT???

The Eight Stages of College Debt - Image 1

8. DefeatSo you're beginning to realize that you may not have handled it all in the best way. You didn't exactly make all the money you wanted to, and you're kind of a fugitive. But look on the bright side, you still have an uncertain job climate to look forward to!!!!!