Since graduation is only a few weeks away, I've been compiling a list of funny things to do during the ceremony. It should be known that I don't have the courage to do any of these things, but please feel free to borrow/steal some. And if you do, feel free to video tape it. And if you do videotape it, feel free to submit it to Americas Funniest Home videos, and if you happen to win the $10,000 prize, let me get $200. C'mon, dude!
10) When your name is called and you're walking to get your diploma, trip over your own two feet, land head first, and remain motionless for what will seem like days.
9) Try to start "the wave" amongst the other graduating kids" every 15 seconds.
8) When receving your diploma (or the fake piece of paper they use for aesthetic sake) take the microphone from the dignified man handing out the papers and say "Yo, Yo, Pass the mic. Aight check it, My name's Kid Fresh and I'm here to say, I love frooty pebb-" at which point you should be tackled by security.
7) Hire two 4 year olds to sprinkled rose petals on the floor as you walk to receive your diploma. When you get to the end of the stage, lift one of them up by the scruff of their neck and drop kick him/her into the audience. Look the other 4 year old square into his/her eyes and tell him/her that he/she is lucky.
6) Hide a small person under your gown. When walking up to receive your diploma stop short, and let out a primal scream. Drop to the floor and have the second person, who should be naked and doused in pomegranite juice spring forth from your gown and receive the diploma with his teeth, then have him scamper off into the distance. You'll know to meet him at the rendezvous point you two have set before the graduation. Come alone.
5) While the dean is making a speech yell non-sequitor hecklings at him. "NO THANK YOU!" "HOW ABOUT" NOT!" "I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I!?" "YAH" UM" NO!" "DON'T GO THERE!!!"
4) Order a pizza and have it arrive on stage while receiving your diploma. If your pizza is late don't tip the guy.
3) Wear roller skates. But when your name is called, struggle for 10 minutes getting up the stairs, then roll uncontrollably around the stage. People will wonder why somebody with no motor skills would wear roller skates to graduation-those people are Nazis.
2) Tape dozens of hot dogs to your body in the fashion of a suicide bomber. When you walk to receive your diploma, throw your gown off and expose your fake dynamite vest. When the Dean goes "Its okay, its okay! Those are just hot dogs!" blow yourself up.
And the #1 thing to do at your graduation:
1) Two words: Vin Diesel.
Thanks very much ladies and gentleman.