A couple years ago I used to sift through my email and delete the spam. Now it seems I'm sifting through spam and reading my e-mail. As a businessman I can only assume that the rise in spam mail is due to the fact that spam actually works! People must purchase the products that companies spam about and the money is then spent on more spam. But I can't imagine somebody so gullible that spam email genuinely tricks them! OR CAN I (IMAGINE A GUY SO GULLIBLE AND WRITE IN HIS VOICE!)?!?

9:31 AM: "Ahhh… I just woke up, time to check my e-mail! Holy crap! 43 e-mails about special offers! THIS MUST BE A BELATED BIRTHDAY PRESENT! Let me check this first one.

9:32 AM: "Oh. My. God. The Vice President of Ghana!?!? E-mailing me!?!? Holy crap, he says its a secret, I better stop yelling. My word, I can receive 51 million american dollars if I just loan him the initial 200,000? Finally. This is the break I've been waiting for. Things have been super sad around here since I gave away my family's Christmas presents to that Christmas Present holding center that misplaced the presents. That Italian man wasn't very apologetic, and rarely returned my calls!"

10:52 AM: "Ooo a new email. Uh-oh. Some 18 year old model thinks I'm fucking attractive. She saw my picture from one of our common friends. That's odd… I have no friends. Darn my wife! If I wasn't married I'd be getting so much pussy."

12:02 PM: "Oh my God!!! Somebody hacked into my Wells Fargo account! Fantastic! If I log-in during the next ten minutes I can still secure my money! Hey that's weird, I didn't know Wells Fargo used the domain name: //3932.344.55.3.23/moneysplashpage.asp! Whatever, no time to think, these guys need my social security number, ATM card and PIN, stat!"

1:44 PM: "OUCHIES!!! I STUBBED MY TOE!!!"

2:30 PM: "God, another e-mail from that 18 year old hottie! I dunno who you are "Candie," but I thought I made myself clear in the reply— I'm flattered but spoken for.

2:49 PM: "Hmm… this one is all in Korean. I better sign up at my local adult night school and enroll in some foreign language classes if I ever wanna TRULY know what the text next to this cum-guzzling asian slut reads."

3:01 PM: "A Rolex for 19.99? Don't mind if I do! This would go really well with that suit I just bought for only one dollar. What? Are you shocked I don't talk out loud when I check EVERY ONE of my messages?"

Other guy in room: "Please. Just shut up. This is the worst working environment ever. I wish I was dead."

"It's "I wish I were dead"

Gunshots

Yeah, so… Neel has a new issue of his OC Review out today, so take a look at that if you're a fan. Other than that, have a sunny weekend and check out these hotlinks.