Hello, and welcome to the CollegeHumor Museum of Fine Art. My name is Matt, and I am the curator here. I'm also in some of the pictures. What? Yes" those ones. Let's not talk about it. No, it grew back. Moving on.
This first wing of the Museum is the Hall of Cute Animals. Pictures involving cute animals date back to the Cro-Magnon era, evidenced by cave paintings found in regions of Spain and Southern France. These sketches often used crude, berry-based paints to depict a buffalo, and then a smaller, cuter buffalo. Females were often drawn to these caves to witness the baby buffalo paintings, and then usually had intercourse with the inhabitant of the cave. To think, humans used to be so primitive that cute baby animals would draw women to men.
On an unrelated note, to any hot women on this tour: feel free to play with my three-month-old Pomeranian puppy dog. His name is Professor Cuddles, and he's got a Ph.D. in tinkling on carpets! Haha, but seriously, you can give me blowjobs now.
Our next wing of the museum is the Dirty Signs Annex. Here, we see a variety of unintentionally hilarious signage with fraternity members in red baseball caps posing next to them. Questions? Yes, that hand signal is known as the "shocker." No, it's not being presented ironically. The general rule of thumb is this: Baseball cap + American Eagle shirt + Shocker = Doesn't even know how to spell irony. You can't argue with that; that's math.
Here we see the Titties Wing, a very popular section of the museum. Very often, women assert their self-confidence by taking off their shirts and drawing Greek characters across their bosoms. Because only truly self-aware and empowered women show their bodies in this section, you see an abundance of boobs from the likes of Betty Freidan, Andrea Dworkin and Gloria Stei""nah, I'm just fucking with you. It's all naïve freshmen. But aren't you impressed I knew about that feminism crap? Yeah, broads are pretty dumb.
No, not you! I didn't say that" uh, Professor Tinkles did! That's right, pet the dog. Good doggie. Now back to the tour!
On to our most popular wing: The Hall of Shamings. This is the metaphorical back of the bus, the place where brain cells would go to die if they weren't already drowning in Popov and Kool-Aid. Notice the liberal use of magic marker, permanent marker, and every now and then, glitter paint marker. Any questions? Yes. No. Yes. A penis. No. Three penises. All the time.
And that concludes our little tour. I'd like to direct you to the gift sho""what's that? A magic marker dick? On my face? Oh, oh, real mature, guys. Real mature. Fuck you.
Speaking of mature guys, Karo has a new column out today, so check that. And take some time to ponder these hotlinks. They're so hot.