As I was flipping through my planner, taking note of the work that I will not be doing for tomorrow or the rest of the semester, I was shocked to find out that it is already February. It seems like only yesterday I was swearing off cigarettes and random acts of sex before spending the rest of my life puking in ten of my fifty pairs of shoes. Actually, that was yesterday. But still, it does not seem like a month has passed since I did that the first time.
Where did January go? And most of February for that matter? With only 66 days left of my college career, losing 30 to a hazy drunken stupor is really sad. There are so many things I have left to do before I graduate! I can't waste another thirty days of my senior year drunk off my ass, tripping in the street, bonging beers off of a third floor balcony and letting football players take body shots off of me. Wait. Yes I can. But, I can't let those things keep me from really enjoying these last few months of freedom from life (and moving back in with my parents).
So, I am sitting down (somewhere between drunk and hung over, clad only in bubble wrap" last night was crazy) to make sure I don't miss out on another precious 30 days. I am going to make a list. Yeah. A list. I am going to list everything I need to do in the next 66 days. And I will do it, you know why? Because with eight credits and all of my parents money, I have nothing else to do.
1. Hook up with a freshman in a twin extra long bed/loft and enjoy breakfast and a recap with my friends in the cafeteria the next morning.
2. Buy two 40's of malt liquor. Give one to a homeless man. Sit down with him and enjoy the other.
3. Go to the bar in costume. A big furry costume. Bring home man.
4. Have a pizza delivered to lecture and offer to share it with the rest of the class.
5. Go to class rip-roaring drunk and offer to give an oral presentation on the current situation in Iraq even though it is not assigned, nor is it applicable to the class you are in.
6. Take Scan-Tron exam and fill in bubbles to make the shape of a penis. Put someone else's name on the exam.
7. Shower Orgy.
8. Drink Bubble Tea (this one really isn't that important, but everyone always drinks it and I am just scared).
9. Order pizza. Invite pizza man in for some dinner and "dessert".
10. Hook up with professor/grad student/teacher assistant. Pass them love notes during class.
11. Drink a lot.
12. Quit smoking.
13 Un-quit smoking.
14. Get engaged to really rich man so I have someone new to depend on.
15. Contract an STD (you know, just to fit in" )
And this is only the beginning. These next 66 days are going to be rough, but I have never been a quitter (as anyone can see from my smoking habits), and I am not going to start now.
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