Valentine's Day, also known as "March Madness," is here. It's the one day a year when you're legally allowed to go out and feel any girl's boob(s) sans consequence. I pinky swear- ask any cop or campus safety officer.

So what better way to celebrate "free second base for everybody" than with a good "'ol fashioned CH writer collaboration? This week's topic- Things Not To Say To Your Partner While Climaxing.

If anybody actually has the balls to say these, then more power to you. On the other hand, I guess if you're looking to get the person out of the room as quickly as possible post-boning, this can probably serve as a pretty effective guide. Anyway, here goes…

Ricky Van VeenSynergy!
Ben Gleib

- Why aren't you crying?
- No, but I love parts of you.
- Your turn.

Mindy RafThis was your last chance, and it's not going so well. Pull out, collect your stuff, and take care.
Shallon Lester Oh GOD! I guess I'm not gay after all!
Eric Wang You're my first time.
Paul Dean HoganI hope you have a big place in your heart for children with Down's Syndrome!
Neil JanowitzShit, I got it all over the keyboard again.
Tom Sunnergan

- I think the condom broke.. psyche, I'm not even wearing one.
-Cigarette smoke contains over 143 toxic chemicals.

Josh JacobsGo go gadget sperm!
Wes MarfieldKazaam!
Christian Finnegan - Oh baby, I'm about to spew jizz out of my penis.
- Heyyyyy Macarena!
Dave WilsonBoy it's really jammed in there good.
Andrew Porter You can wake up now!
Lauren Herskovic I think I ate some bad chicken or something.
Amir Blumenfeld"Least likely to get laid," my ass! Stupid year book awards!
Adam Jacobi(in a Regis Philbin voice) And THATS my final answer.
Aaron KaroAaaaaaand cut!
Brad WellsWe should get married.
Jeff Rubin

Hey, I remember that the Powell's were the second family on Charles in Charge but what the hell was the name of the first?

Dan Levy- Leggo my Eggo, bitch!
- I hope we tivo'd CSI: Miami
- I really like your vagina, especially because you let me fuck it in the back of my car while my step brother was driving.
Streeter SeidellDING! Your tanks full.
Melody Joy KramerI just saved a bunch of money on car insurance!
Bobby OerzeniWWJD!
Dean CampBy the power of Grayskull…
Steve HofstetterI'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so… scared!
Luke PhillipsSerenity now!

Now, hotlinks…