Well the election is over, and I think we can say with great confidence, that both Democrats AND Republicans are very happy that Bush is still in power. Whether you saw the coverage on NBC, MSNBC, or CNBC, you probably noticed that most of the information was the same stuff over and over and over again. But CollegeHumor just received something that CNN/Drudge Report would suck our dicks for! Every election, the loser (Kerry) calls the winner (George Bush's son) and congratulates him on hard work done job right good well. Doesn't make much sense does it? I mean, what would they talk about? WHO KNOWS!?!? We do. We were able to get a feed of the phone call, and what you are about to read is the transcript of several phone calls John F. Kerry made to President George W. Bush early Wednesday Morning.

Transcript 1: 5:16 AM Washington Time

Kerry: Hello? This is Kerry! Helllooo….

Transcript 2: 5:20AM Washington Time

Bush: Phone Tag! You're it!

Transcript 3: 5:25AM Washington Time

Kerry: Hello?
Bush: Can you hear me now?
Kerry: Hahahhaha!
Bush: Can you hear me now? Hello?
Kerry: AHhhahahaha!
Bush: Can you hear me now?
Kerry: Wait, are you serious? I thought you were doing the "can you hear me now" guy.
Bush: No I was actually asking, can you hear me now, I get no reception in here.
Kerry: Oh yah, I can hear you now.
Bush: I'm kidding fool! I WAS doing the verizon guy!
Kerry: AHhaahhaahahhahaha!
Bush: Seriously, what's up.
Kerry: I'm just calling to—-
Bush: Can you hear me now?
Kerry: I'm just calling to congratulate you for running a successful campaign. Good work Mr. President.
Bush: Hey you didn't do so bad yourself Mr. I had everybody in Hollywood campaigning for me!
Kerry: Yes well… I just want you to know I am returning my copy of Farhenheit 9/11. Honestly, back to Blockbuster it goes.
Bush: I appreciate that.
Kerry: I think you'll also appreciate the fact that Michael Moore was just found in a dumpster behind Marie Calendars eating Cheesecakes.
Bush: Why would I appreciate that?
Kerry: I dunno, don't you hate the guy? I'm just talking out of my ass at this point.
Bush: Hey, were you watching the elections last night?
Kerry: Yeah, they were like… ON EVERY CHANNEL!
Bush: I KNOW, RIGHT WINGED AMERICA!
Kerry: Huh?
Bush: Nothing.
Kerry: My god, I'm looking at one of those electoral map thingies, and literally every state between Arizona and Virginia is red. I just had to win ONE state south of the bible belt.
Bush: Yeah…
Kerry: Seriously! If i just won arkansas or georgia or florida or iowa or missouri or… JESUS I didn't even win Nevada!
Bush: Yeah, any state that gets above 90 degrees you pretty much lost.
Kerry: and any state that gets colder than 20 degrees you lost.
Bush: Nice comeback, fag.
Kerry: What's that?
Bush: Oh i was just telling Laura, that she was wearing a Nice Comebacked… Bag.
Kerry: Oh. Oh i see…. Hey George…
Bush: Yeah John…
Kerry: Do you ever think that maybe one day, when we grow up… that … WE'LL kiss like our moms and dads do?
Bush: Like… you and me? Kissing eachother?
Kerry: Maybe… is that what you wanted me to mean?
Bush: Maybe…
Kerry: leaning in
Bush: Whats that noise, It sounds like lips running up against a phone receiver
Kerry: Thats just… static… listen i gotta go.

quick hang up, dial tone

Kerry: Can you hear me now good friend… can you hear me now….?

Pretty powerful stuff huh folks? Thanks to Gaming Club Poker Room for sponsoring this update. Now here is a transcript of a different conversation between two anonymous people that speak in only hotlinks…