CollegeHumor's very own Bruce had the pleasure of joining SHERROD SMALL (the funny black guy from Best Week Ever) and CHRIS WYLDE (Get $tupid, Standard Deviants TV) at their favorite eatery Dave & Busters in beautiful Orange County, CA.
Bruce: The irony of us all meeting here at 4:20 is not lost on me.
Sherrod: The irony of heavy smoker Chris Wylde doin a Truth.com commercial is not lost on my black ass.
Chris: What the fuck is irony? What the hell are you guys talking about?
B: So you guys have a new show on AMC?
C: WHO TOLD YOU!?
S: American Movies for Caucasians.
B: I saw the pilot episode and let me say without hyperbole that it was the greatest thing I have ever seen in the history of television.
C: The greatest thing I ever saw on television was Ashlee Simpson being so punk rock that she couldn't actually sing live the song she "sings."
S: Fuck a Ashlee Simpson. Jude Law was huggin' her tellin her it was gonna be alright. Alright that she's a made up bullshit person I actually like her. She was on Best Week the other day.
B: Yeah, sounds like you guys are BFF.
C: Can I just tell you how black Sherrod Small is for a second. He shared the same stage as Alicia Keys, son. She had the damn car key danglin from her ear okay? He's black.
S: I keep it real, Christopher.
C: That and he eats coal and shits 8 balls.
S: That's racist, Duke.
C: I'm so white I eat clouds and piss bleach.
S: Yeah and that shit is cute. Clouds and shit. Coal and 8 balls is racist.
C & S: Nice!
B: Well that was a terrific little exchange. Tell me about why the hell the kids out there should watch AMC this and every Wednesday night at 10 or late night at 1:30. Filmfakers. Is this another shitty reality show?
S: Don't make me hurt you at Dave & Busters, Bruce.
C: The show is brilliant. To quote you, "The greatest thing ever seen on television."
B: Yes I did say that. But a lot of judgy, judgy nerds are reading this right now thinking that exact thought!
S: I didn't have to answer these kinda questions when the New York Times interviewed me last week. They sent a black girl down to Best Week to interview me. I was like, they got black people at the Times? I'm gonna have to stop buying Jet.
S: I say ignorant shit, Chris Wylde.
B: So on Filmfakers you guys basically shit all over wannabe actors dreams?
C: You know how on Project Greenlight they took a whole season to make the shittiest movie of all time? We make the shittiest movie of all time EVERY WEEK!
B: Stop shouting at me.
C: 6 castmates the ebony beauty sitting across from me and myself included- make the world's crappiest movie of a particular genre every episode. You see the movie, you see behind the scenes, you see all the hilarious improv and shit that we do on and off the set. And it just so happens that every week 3 actors are cast in our hilariously awful movie. And they think its a real movie. And it's awesome.
S: Because it's not a real movie. It's a fake movie. They expected me to learn my lines for the movie part and I kept having to remind people on the crew we're not really making a movie here Duke.
B: So you didn't make girls cry every week?
C: Oh we did that.
S: Can I use nigga? Thank you. Nigga. We ain't digging people up. Making people eat cow balls and shit. We paying you to act. We payin actors to act!
B: This is definitely not another shitty reality show. Listen guys, thanks for shoving chicken fingers, rolling rock, and game cards down this underage college kids puke chute. I'm going to go cash in my tickets now for a Dave & Buster's mini-hoop for my dormroom or a really cool dolphin lamp I saw.
S: You're gay.
C: Before you go Brucey, let me just tell you about the time my friend Forty was in a titty bar back in Jersey. Right before he was about to get a lapdance, he told the stripper, "Don't look me in the eyes. Nothing gives you that right."
S: Nothing gives you that right! I'm runnin with that line, Forty. That's the funniest shit that's ever happened to me.
Karo's got a new column out today, so rock that. This update has been brought to you by our very own Big Shocker. Time for hotlinks, eh?