If there's any lesson that I learned during my four-year college term, it's that self re-affirmation can be a beautiful thing; a thing that helps you through your day. That's why though these mantras no longer apply to me I'd like to take a moment and lead you in some maxims. "I love being a college student;" say it along with(out) me:
"I love being college student. I worked hard to get here and I love my relevant, career-oriented major that's why it's the only major I've had. In fact, my major is in a field that absolutely fascinates me, which makes classes so much more enjoyable. I can't even describe how much I look forward to going to class, especially those that are very early and get my day started. And I don't know how to thank the school for allowing me to overload my schedule with three extra classes, even though I finished my degree four semesters ahead of time.
"I love my spacious dorm room and private bathroom, and even though we're often too busy studying to converse, I really appreciate the company provided by my well-adjusted roommate of identical religious, geographical, socio-economical and philosophical descent. Our musical tastes are exactly the same, and I have so much fun when his girlfriend spends the night in our room as infrequently as that may be.
"I eat well at the nutritionally-balanced and affordable dining center. The employees treat me well there, and I eat comfortably each day without the fear of Ebola floating in my soup. Now that I think about it, I don't think I've had the same meal twice.
"I abhor video games and instant messaging and any other unnatural activities that would keep me from interacting in person with the droves of fun classmates that I have. I'm glad that they're all so unique and are providing me with a more diverse college experience. I learn so much every time we all meet before and after class to talk.
"I think my professors are fantastic and I'm glad that they're at school for no other reason than to teach and improve my education. They've done a swell job imparting the same motivation and fair approach to their TAs, who are just like miniature versions of the professors themselves! I look forward to going to office hours and always get a clearly explained answer from my articulate, English-speaking chemistry professor.
"I love that fraternity and the university work so harmoniously on a number of humanitarian efforts. I'm so happy that girls are trusting and completely comfortable coming over to our house for parties, and I think they look great in their baggy, full-length jeans and thick turtle-neck sweaters.
"I've never missed a game of our division-three sports team, even though I have to fight a mob of rabid fans every time I go. Sometimes I even wave my big foam shocker in the crowd, though I'll admit that I don't know what it means.
"I'm really very lucky to have met a girl that I care very deeply about while in the library. I think it's swell that we were both sober and remembered each other's names when we were introduced, and I'm so glad we didn't cheapen our time together by going home together within twelve minutes of meeting. I hate it when that happens.
"I'm involved. I participated in 37 different clubs and organizations last semester and I can't wait for that number to double next year. I'm so glad that I write for the school paper, because the student body loves our riveting content and is very appreciative of the effort we put forth.
"I really enjoy the weather at school.
"I get along with parking so well. Sometimes I even meet up with them at bars on Friday nights.
"It's so great that campus security is so laid back.
"Though I've tried, I guess that ultimately it's hard to explain just why I love college so much. I think it's that everything is so new and exciting, and I know that after four years in this enriching environment I'll step out into the real world, secure the exact job I want and find that everything is exactly how it was while at school. So that's why I love being a college student."
New columns up by Streeter and Neil, so check those.
Thanks to MagsForCheap (Maxim and Stuff for $10 guys) for sponsoring this update as they frequently do. Now tell these hotlinks I say hello.