My parents are out of town and I have to take care of my dog. These are funny conversations I would have with my dog if he were a belligerent human.
Amir: Chico what do you want for breakfast?
Chico: Nothing, asshole.
Amir: Chico, now come on, you have to eat something, You didn't eat dinner last night, mom's gonna get pissed at me.
Chico: I SAID NOTHING OKAY LEAVE ME ALONE chico turns on his gameboy
Amir: Chico come here.
Chico: leave me alone okay? burp
Amir: Chico, is that booze on your breathe?
Chico: No. go away.
Amir: Come here. grabbing him by the collar bringing him towards me
Chico: Let go of me! I was on level two of Castlevania!!
Amir: Lick my face.
Chico licks amir's face.
Amir: Well, that was fucking adorable, but there's rum on your breathe.
Chico runs upstairs.
Amir: I know where you're going! You can't hide Chico!
2 hours later
Amir: Chico come here I have a doggy treat for you!
Chico: Alright alright, gimme two minutes.
Amir: Chico? Are you smoking in there?
Chico: Umm" no?
Amir: Open this door right now chico!
Chico: Gimme like, 2 minutes dude, I swear.
Amir opens door, Chico is standing by the window smoking a joint.
Amir: Unbelievable! Chico! Put down that marijuana cigarette!!
Chico: (on phone) Hey hold on a sec, my DAD just walked in the room.
Amir: Okay, that is UNFAIR.
Chico: (hanging up fone) Yah well its true! Lighten up, ass. chico waves the smoke away with his paw
3 hours later
Amir: Chico, I have to take you on a walk at least twice a day.
Chico: Alright, but can we do it after Celebrity Poker Showdown?
Amir: Okay but don't ruin this episode for me, I haven't watched it, I like to watch them all the way through.
Chico: Alright, Jesus, just give me twenty minutes and we'll go walk.
Amir: Fine, just call me.
20 mins later
Chico: Yeah! I'm ready.
Amir: Alright lets go.
Chico: Jeneane Garafalo won.
Amir: Youre a fucking dick, you know that?
Chico: Hey Amir
Amir: Yeah Chico?
Chico: I know I come across as a real belligerent human sometimes, but I don't mean it.
Amir: That's okay. Sometimes I come down a little hard on you too.
Chico: Well, I guess we can both agree to disagree!
Amir: You're shitting on my bed.
THE END. The moral of the story is: threefold.
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