There's nothing I like more than passing on knowledge to people I care about. Well, people I care about and people that read web pages. Like you, computer user!
Some of that wisdom comes in the form of mind-blowing random facts. For example, did you know that biologically, a human is closer to a shark than a fish is? Or that no two nations with McDonalds have ever gone to war with each other? That's right folks- more McGriddles, more McPeace.
Some information comes in the form of life lessons. For example, the fact that even moderately chubby girls look cute in sun dresses. Or that if a guy says of an obscenely underage girl that "she's gonna be hot when she's older," he really means that she's hot right now. Yep, true story. So next time you hear that about your 12 year old little sister, punch the fucker in the face.
Some comes in the form of new slang. I already covered a lot of that in my article last week, but here's a bonus "slapper." Slapper is British for whore. This comes in pretty handy as most American terms for women of ill repute are household words by now. So you can get away with calling the group of girls who won't talk to your friends at the bar a bunch of slappers and unless they've studied abroad or watch a lot of BBC, you're safe.
But my favorite thing has to be introducing the world to people who's time has come. From Andy Milinokis (Superbowl is Gay) last year to Jeremy the Celeb Baby (here) more recently, CollegeHumor's popularity has given us a good platform to do just that. With that said, it's my esteemed privelege to introduce to the world Biba Golic, the Anna Kournikova of table tennis.
Let's face it, with her on-court skills exhibited the past few years, Anna K herself is now more of a model than a tennis player. And that hot college softball player is so yesterday's news that I can't even remember what her name was for the purpose of this article. And the WNBA and LPGA? If I wanted to see bankrupt lesbians, I'd sue the Indigo Girls for turning my ex-girlfriend gay.
That's why it's prime time for Biba to step up to the proverbial ping-pong table and claim her crown as Miss Newest Hot Girl Athlete. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I don't know much about Biba. Believe it or not, there's not a lot of info available about the world's 190th ranked female table tennis player.
But when my friend Lee called me a few days ago and said "Dude, turn on ESPN2. I swear to Christ there's a HOT ping pong player," everything changed. Despite Lee being Jewish, I took his word and turned on my TV. And there she was in all her glory. Viva la Biba!
Perhaps the best part of all of this is that there's so much we have yet to learn about this aesthlete. Personally, I think that underexposure is what will drive the intrigue that will only draw us closer and closer. Sure, we know she's Serbian. Yeah, we know she's currently playing for the 2004 Regional Champion Texas Wesleyan table tennis squad. But what would her accent sound like whispering pillow talk into my ear? Would she get pissed at me if on a date I called table tennis "ping pong?" All of these things I can only dream about learning first hand.
May God bless you, Biba Gorlic. There's a reason they don't have "love" in table tennis scoring like they do in regular tennis. It's because with you in the game, all the love in the world is right here in my heart.
Things to check out: