The time has come to liberate the sluts. We are using and abusing them for our own gain, without paying the homage and recognition they deserve. Sure we let them grace our magazine covers and use them to get people to click to web pages advertised on the sides of college related humor web sites, but the day to wipe out our slut ignorance has arrived. No more can we stare at the half naked slut without a clue about the theory and science behind it all. And thus forth, Slutosophy.
Lesson 1: Not all sluts are the same
Literal Slut- This is the original slut. The Literal Slut is characterized by bartering sexual acts for cash. Cash is often substituted by crack. They are typically found near other Literal Sluts, and men wearing shiny suits and alligator skin shoes. Paying a literal slut for sex will disqualify you from making a Red Cross blood donation.
Prude Slut- This is the shiftiest of sluts. The Prude Slut will lure prey into a secluded room and a false sense of "I'm gonna get some." After the victim reaches the strategic position known as second base, the slut will retreat back to the party, only to strike again later. For related information, see "blue balls."
That Slut- This is the most generic of sluts. The phraseology can pertain to any of the slut breeds. For instance:
Dude: "Yo I went up to this fox after kicking it on the dance floor, but totally got denied."
Different Dude: "That slut."
Denial Slut- This is a sorry sight to see. Despite the tight black pants, bikini top, and having banged half the room, this slut is totally surprised when the word comes back around as to others' thoughts concerning the Denial Slut's slutdom.
House Slut- This slut works the same territory for a period of time. The House Slut will operate upon members (of members) of the same residence. The House Slut will abandon its chosen area and seek a new domain when it realizes the residents pay it no attention until they're drunk and horny.
How Could That Be A Slut- Yeah, we don't know how either. Somehow that gangly looking thing in your stat class has managed to ride the whole campus. Bystanders, upon hearing about the sexual escapades partaken in by the gap toothed stank ass with an oral herpes breakout, utter "How Could That Be A Slut?"
Male Slut- Due to a double standard in society, this type does not exist. Anyone you think might have the qualifications to be considered a Male Slut is more accurately called "Awesome."
Lesson 2 will be released after I get done clicking on the sluts on the side of this page.
1. CollegeHumor's friend Thomas Ian Nicholas (American Pie, Rookie of the Year) has a new movie coming out soon called LADJ. So go here and check out the trailer.
2. We're looking for t-shirt designers for our shirt site. So if you can draw really well, hit us up and let us know.
Then take a look at these hotlinks, go see Punisher because it rocked, and have a bitchin' weekend. Peace!