So you wanna be a cool college guy huh? Not with THAT attitude. Ha ha ha ha. Hi. I'm Amir Blumenfeld. I am a Junior at my university, though technically I have enough units to be a senior. I am not a "cool person" as you should have already suspected because I just mentioned "units." First tip about being a cool kid in college is that you never ever talk about classes, and you definitely never ever talk about units. Here are four more tips:

1. Hair: Do you put effort into making your hair seem cool? Don't. All cool kids put zero effort into their hair. When it's messy you do nothing. When it gets long, you never, under any circumstances PAY for a haircut! There is nothing more uncool than paying somebody to cut your hair. You can either do it yourself, or occasionally push the hair out of your face with your fist. Using fingers shows effort and that's simply uncool. Some people put a lot of effort into making their hair look unkempt, like me, however that effort shows and often times your left looking considerably less cool, like me. Oh, and shave every third Tuesday, but not with a blade, with a stick. Hell ya.

2. Clothes: Hey when did you buy that outfit your wearing? Did your answer start with a "two-thousand?" Because if so, you're not cool. The clothes you wear today should be the ones you wore in 7th grade. The smaller, the more worn down the better. Is your shirt so thin you can see your nipples through it? Great. Now you're getting somewhere nerd. The shirt you wore to sixth grade P.E. is a great start. How bout a sports team that doesn't exist anymore? Anything Quebec Nordiques or Vancouver Grizzles = instant cool.

3. Demeanor: Do not speak loudly. No cool person speaks loudly. Say few, small, words but every once in a while drop a really big one just to show you've got the capability, you're just too cool to use it. Example:

Girl: Hey
You: Sup.
Girl: I've never noticed you before. I like your shirt — P.E. Huh? It's cute.
You: Sup.
Girl: I like your hair, is that effort I see?
You: You know it ain't, bitch. Sesquipedalian.
Girl: * SWOOOOON *

Hell ya.

4. Social Life: I sincerely hope you're not reading this in public, because cool people do not "check stuff out online." They have AOL instant messanger but only sign on three minutes a week to show how little time they have to waste time online. On the weekends you have two options. You can be a reader, which means you're cool because you read non-nerdy long books like Gravity's Rainbow or Being and Time. Or you can be a guy in a band. All you need to pull that look off is a guitar case.

If you put in a lot of effort, and follow these tips, you're automatically uncool. No cool person actually changes their personality after reading an article they found on the Internet. Just be yourself, but not if you're nerdy. If you're nerdy follow these tips, and you should be cool. Not Cool, cool, but like" better.

Hell ya.

1. BallerIcons came out with two new CollegeHumor icons, so go check out those, or their other thousands of icons. (Just watch out for the popups)

2. Are you a fan of blatant ripoffs? Then you'll get a kick out of Jay Barimani's column in the Penn State Daily Collegian entitled "Ten College Commandments" published on April 8th (with a follow-up), which bears a striking resemblance to Streeter Seidell's "The Ten Commandments of College" (if you switch the words around nobody will know!) published here three days earlier on April 5th.

Way to go, Jay! I mean, granted only 5 million people read this site every month and we only have two regular columnists that go to your school. But if you change some things like "Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages" to "Thou shalt leave cheesy/clever away messages," you should be in the clear. But seriously, give the kid a break- he's only a senior Journalism major.

3. Check out these hotlinks. But be careful- they're hot!!