People think that something magical will happen at bars. That for some reason, the cute girl that ignores them the whole year will see them at a bar and think they're cool because of it. So everyone spends $70 on a fake ID, and spends ten minutes trying to convince the bouncer that the reason that the ID is crumbling and see-through is cause it's "the old kind." So everyone finally gets into the bar, except that one friend who looks 12 that doesn't need to get in the bar cause he has a girlfriend anyway, and you sit around a table playing quarters.

If you don't have any other place than a dorm to hang out in, okay. But guess what – if you live off campus, and especially in a fraternity house, you can go to the supermarket, buy a few cases of beer for the price of a pitcher, and come back to an ID free environment where if you drink too much you can fall asleep without getting pickpocketed. Of course, then that hot girl can't come over and start talking to you, right?

If politicians want to commend someone for family values, they should give a medal to the skeezy middle-aged man at the end of the bar who hits on all your 20-year-old friends. The abject fear of becoming him is what convinces most players to settle down and raise a family.

Who is the genius who made darts into a bar game? "My depth perception is severely impaired, but I'd enjoy some sort of game. I got it! I'll throw sharp things in a cramped space!" This is the same guy who thought of drive through liquor stores and put brail on car manuals.

Why are some girls still surprised when guys approach them at bars? It's a bar. That's what guys do at bars. If you don't want to talk to anyone, stay in your room and instant message your friends about how skeezy guys tried to talk to you at the bar last night.

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