Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
10 Reasons You're Not Having the Spring Break Hollywood Said You Should
March 12, 2012
You decide to shell out the big bucks and head south of the border for a Mexican getaway right out of an
special from the mid-90s. One problem: (in addition to the facts that your passport expired two weeks ago and you will get diarrhea the instant you think about water) unless you're willing to spend really big bucks, you're probably going to end up as a pile of severed limbs in the basement of a drug cartel headquarters, or at least that's what your mom will think is the case the entire time you're away, so you won't have a chance to have any fun anyway.
Finally, you get to see your friend who goes to that college that's just slightly too far away to visit on a normal weekend. Thank god you have spring break a week earlier than they do! What you've forgotten is that them having spring break start a week after you means that when you go to visit, your friend will be deep in the middle of midterms and classes, and you'll be that annoying friend from high school blocking their roommate's path to bed. You'll get, at most, two nights of going out strong, while the rest of your time will be spent wandering around campus, realizing how boring it is to hear other people talk about college.
It wasn't explicitly stated that significant others weren't invited, but everyone else agrees that the implication was clear. Except to this guy. You're ready to have a fun, no holds barred bonding experience with your friends, but, instead, you and the rest of your friends will spend your spring break tip-toeing around this bickering couple. You had also planned on splitting the costs of one room cheap, slumber party style where everyone sleeps on the floor or couch but now the love birds need their "own space" to have their "alone time." So now you get to spend even more money, while simultaneously dealing with the most annoying couple on Earth. For a week. A full week.
You could have the most lovely, relaxing, enjoyable spring break the world has ever known, but unless you get a really epic ("Epic") story out of it, you're going to feel like you wasted the whole break when you get back to school. Unfortunately you were raised in a post-music
world that gave you an unrealistic view of how young people actually party, and now you have to live in that one-upmanship world they created. Just remember when telling your own spring break story, it's not a lie if you believe it.
You spent the entire two weeks before spring break studying for and taking midterms, not planning a wild spring break vacation bonanza. Now it's too late to respond to all of your friends' texts and Facebook messages about possible plans, so you'll just have to go back to your parents' house and watch Netflix Instant for an entire week. Oh well. That's what you want to do anyway.
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spring break 2012
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Don't ask me again.