No one ever turns down free beer. You could be drunk, on medication, throwing up, and allergic to hops. But you know what else you are? Poor. There are two types of girls in college: girls who don't drink beer, and girls who do keg stands. Politicians call 5 or more beers in one sitting binge drinking. I know some people who call it breakfast. I once walked into a bar and saw a girl drinking my favorite drink: too much. If you go to the website of any beer company, they ask your birthday to validate your age. I'm looking forward to the technology that allows you to hold your ID up to the screen while avoiding eye contact and pretending to be involved in a conversation with the guy next to you.Like this column? Then buy the book!