Colleges are very good at distributing floors equally. No matter how many rooms there are and how many people per room, there is exactly one person on every floor who listens to really crappy music way too loud. I'm not curious as to why walls are so thin. I'm curious as to why so many people don't care. A bed creek, unavoidable. The occasional thumping of a flailing arm into a wall, acceptable. But moaning at 4:00 in the afternoon? No. Simply, no. You're studying for that calc final and the only thing you can derive is how to get your suite mates to stop yelling "Yes, yes, yes!" Did people do this when they lived at home? No play can be that good that you can't shut up, bite down on a blanket and let me study. How ineffective are those dorm rules that they gave us during orientation? You know how people figure out that halogen lamps must work well in dorm rooms? Because of that little flier that tells us not to use them. How many of you really even knew what a hallogen lamp was before you read that? Some dorms have the dates they were built on the outside. No problem. Preserving history. Cool, understandable. But sometimes the historians go too far. There's one Columbia dorm that has a plaque that reads "1968 AD." As opposed to the one built 4,000 years ago? I'm no biblical scholar, but I'm pretty sure that when the Jews were wandering the desert, they didn't stop into the lounge of my friend's dorm to watch ER. Dorm rooms are so tiny, but they prepare you to live anywhere and be happy. You spend four years living in an 8' by 8' room, and then you get to the real world and have to find an apartment. The first one you see is a studio, and all you can think is "this is the biggest single I have ever seen in my entire life." Like this column? Then buy the book!