There's a Chinese/Spanish restaurant near me. I don't know what they serve, but I'm pretty sure it has rice. A lot of commercials depict college students as eating pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And it'd be true if we ate breakfast. College students will put their dishes in the sink, but they'll never go to the trouble to put them in a dishwasher right next to it. Why? The same reason that all of our laundry is on the floor instead of in the closet, and we throw up in the hallway instead of the bathroom. When you're that drunk, doors can be very tricky. Meriam-Websters defines "edible" as "fit to be eaten." College students define it as "there." A couple of days ago, I wanted to make a sandwich, but I only had one piece of bread left. So instead of folding it in half, I put the bread between two slices of cheese. And I thought, "man, I'm going to miss college." Like this column? Then buy the book!