Hey, guys. First off, thanks for showing up to the budget meeting on time. I know we all hate this stuff but it's important that we figure out our finances. We are quarantined off from the rest of the world after all.
Get on with it, Jeff. I've got a face tattoo appointment to make.
(the rest of the gang grumbles in agreement)
That's actually what I wanted to talk to you guys about. I've been crunching the numbers and it seems like 99% of our resources go towards tattoos and makeup for the gang.
Don't forget those sick spiky shoulder pads.
(claps from the rest of the gang)
Ya those things rock.
The rest of the world abandoned us, Jeff, and you don't want us to look as cool as possible?
That's my point! We have limited resources. I propose we stop using all our oil and water for tattoos and face paint and instead we use it to set up, I dunno, an irrigation system? Potable water would be nice. Maybe we even figure out how to grow our own food so we don't have to eat other members of the gang.
Now you're too cool to eat members of the gang? We're a post apocalyptic gang, dude, that's what we do!
What happened to you?
We ate my brother last week. We put him on a giant skewer, hovered him over a fire and devoured him like hyenas because, and I quote, "dude this is what we do." That's what happened to me.
Listen, Jeff. We get it. We really do. None of us wanted to be stuck behind this wall left to fend for ourselves. But will you look at it from our point of view? The virus that decimated this city turned us into freaks. I literally have doggie parts from the waist down and Jimmy over there has no butthole. If there's one thing we've learned it's that putting makeup and tattoos all over our bodies while slowly regressing as a society are the only things that motivate us to wake up everyday. It's all we've got dude. Granted we probably didn't have to eat your bro but we're making the best of a bad situation. Our bad.
Those sick ass shoulder pads more or less replaced my wife. She's on the other side of that wall and I'm here. Don't take that away from me so you can grow your own summer squash, Jeff.
Can we at least stop adding plows and flame throwers to all our cars? These weekly Demolition To The Death Derbies we have don't seem to accomplish anything
Oh, come on!