The first time I ever went to the gym, I asked my friend where the bathroom was. He hushed me really quickly, and said I should be quieter or everyone will know that I didn't go to the gym so often. Yeah, that bathroom comment was the only thing that gave it away.

Every time I go to the gym, I want to take off my glasses because I don't like to wear them while I work out. But I don't do it because not being able to see well defeats the real purpose of going to the gym.

It's hard to motivate yourself to go to the gym. I may love the feeling I get when I finish a work out, but I love the feeling I get when I finish a paper, and it doesn't make me write one every day.

When you work out for the first time in a while, you have a lot to do when you get back. You have to shower, you have to change, and you have to tell everyone you run into that you just back from the gym.

I love the people who think they're healthy just because they go to the gym. Dude, you eat Ramen for lunch, pizza for dinner, and you've never even been awake to eat breakfast. You binge drink three times a week, spend your free time IMing your roommate or playing Beirut, and you have to smoke a cigarette in order to go to sleep – at 4 AM on a Tuesday. But those three sets of bicep curls – man, they're keeping you healthy.

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