Most colleges have huge ever-expanding libraries with hundreds of thousands of books, so they need a complex system of numbers and maps to tell you exactly which shelf your book was supposed to be on before it was misplaced.

I know someone who doesn't go into the stacks because he's afraid to walk in on people hooking up. Of course, he'll still go to the bathroom at a bar and into his dorm's lounge without thinking twice.

College libraries should not be social scenes. In the real world, you go to a library to meet a nice guy or girl because people are in the library because they are well read. In college, people are in the library because they don't get along with their roommates well enough to study in their own rooms.

I was in the library the other day, and I actually saw someone kick someone else out of a study carrel because it was "his." And I'm not talking about someone who was there first, called fives on his chair, and came back to reclaim it. I'm talking about a turf war where one guy had already claimed a section of the room. What he doesn't realize is that even if he wins, he loses.

You know why college library books are never where they're supposed to be? Because you're paying guys like me $7 an hour to shelve them. And until this changes, your fast food will never be what you ordered, your packages will never arrive on time, and your books will never be in the right place at the right time.

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