Girls and guys punctuate their anger differently. Girls can blame PMS for being upset, and it's just accepted that guys are assholes. So girls blame their period, while guys blame their colon. When you're a senior in a long-term relationship, some of your friends start asking you if you're going to get married. Married? Sure. The happy couple is registered for a six of Beast, a lovely set of Red Hook pint glasses, and half a bottle of Jack. Hooking up with someone for the first time can be unnerving because everybody has their own style. And no matter how well things are going, you can never say "the last person I was with really liked me to do this swirly thing with my tongue. How about you?" When guys lose weight, they like hearing about it. When girls lose weight, you can tell them they look incredible, but you can't say why. I once told a friend of mine that the summer had been good to her and she looked like she lost at least ten pounds. So of course that meant I was saying she was fat and ugly before. Meeting the parents is the second biggest step in a college relationship. Actually going on a date instead of spending all your time together in one of your rooms now that's big. Guys want to hook up with that really hot girl from your English class? Actually ask her out to dinner. She'll be so impressed with someone that wants to do more than sit at a bar and play quarters, the rest is easy. Did you know that girls are all part of a vast network of spies? When a guy likes a girl, his friends might mention if they saw her talking to another guy. When a girl has a crush on someone, her friends memorize his class schedule, know where he ate lunch, and call her every time they see someone who has the same jacket. When your girlfriend makes you watch N*SYNC, it's not so bad. When she tells all of your friends about it, that's pretty bad. I see girls look through magazines and say "Oh, I hate her, she's so pretty." You will never hear guys say anything like that about other guys. Guys try to make friends with good-looking guys because guys can do people-math. If ten girls want the same guy, some of them are going to have to be distracted. Waking up with someone you care about is a great feeling. Except if you have a hangover and you're only getting up because they have an 8:00 AM class. Then it sucks. Like this column? Then buy the book!