Does that feel good? :: I have no idea what I’m doing right now. Yeah, right there. :: Yeah, just right there. Stop moving to the other places you seem to think matter. Do you have a condom? :: I would like to have sex now. I might have a condom. I’m not sure. :: I would like to have sex without a condom, but I’m not sure if you will. I just need a second. :: I just need 38 second to fumble with this condom without you looking at me. Wait. :: Ow. Slower. :: Ow. Is your roommate home? :: You’re being much louder than you think. Should we put on some music? :: Should we attempt to drown out the sounds of our stomachs hitting each other? Talk dirty to me. :: Stop making that noise. Fuck me! :: The number of fictional sex scenes I’ve watched far exceeds the number of times I’ve actually had sex. Redundantly saying, “Fuck me!” is what I’m supposed to do, right? You like that? :: Should I bother continuing with this move? It’s doing nothing for me, but I thought you might like it. Oooh. :: Consider that sound a sign that things are going well, though, honestly, I don’t have to make that noise. You’re so pretty. :: You’re so self-conscious. You’re so yes yeah :: Am I talking right now? Kiss me. :: Shut up. Oh God. :: Oh God, my wrists hurt so much. Don’t stop. :: You can stop soon. I’m about to-- :: Don’t ruin this. Hwoooogluh :: Please forget this noise instantly. How was that? :: Validate me. Did you...finish? :: Am I finished here? Can I get you some water? :: Can you pretend not to see me shuffling off to the bathroom with this gross condom? I love you. :: I love having sex with you. Now, let’s finish watching Game of Thrones. :: I love you.