You know that one girl who always asks the dumbest questions every time she has the chance? Does she notice that the entire class groans when she puts her hand up? How can she miss the fact that 80 people are making fun of her? Probably cause she sits in the front row, and can't see any of them.

There's a guy in every class who never talks. When he's called on, he gives a blank stare, says uh, and slumps back in his chair. He says one comment at the end of the semester, and the teacher bumps up his grade a full point for improving. Which is nice, because then he can keep his athletic scholarship.

Some athletes are smart. Some are really smart. But who do these schools think they're kidding when they let in the dumb kids? Like the rest of us can't figure out what's going on when the thick-necked guy in the football jersey is struggling to tell us who composed Beethoven's ninth.

Some people go to classes strictly because they want to get the most for their money. What is this, a salad bar? Even the classes that have NOTHING to do with their career. I want good grades because I want a good job because I want to have enough money to send my kid to school so they can do the same for theirs. If that means going to class, then so be it. Otherwise, I'm staying home and getting some sleep – I pay to be able to do that too.

I couldn't imagine being in a class with someone famous. My friend at Yale was in an English class with Claire Danes. That'd force me to do all the reading. The teacher, I can be a jackass in front of. The cute girls, the jocks, whoever, I can be called on, say the dumbest thing ever and I won't care. But I'll be damned if I let Claire Danes catch me unprepared.

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