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By Caldwell Tanner
America's Game of Thrones
1. Title Card: November is Coming (written in GoT font)
2. Jobiden, dressed in Maester’s robes, approaches Lord Barak, who is dressed in simple yet regal armor. In the corner a white throne that resembles a mash-up of the washington monument and the Iron Throne of Westeros can be seen. A bald eagle is perching on a stand nearby.
Jobiden: Barak, my grace. You look troubled.
Barak: These are dark times, Jobiden. I fear even the strong walls of the White Keep will not hold back the wrath of my enemies.
2. A shot of Lord Romney. He wears golden armor and holds a flaming golden sword. He is surrounded by gold coins. In the background several banners representing the states that have sided with him fly.
Florida, Arizona, Illinois, Washington, Massachussetts
Barak (OS): In the Midlands, Lord Romney gathers his forces. He worships the LatterDay Lord, M’ormon, and they say the only thing deeper than his purses is the loyalty of his minions.
3. A shot of Santorum, he wears a robe and a sweater vest. In the background several banners representing the states that have sided with him fly. He holds a staff in his hand that looks suspiciously like a giant boner.
Iowa, Minnesota, Kansas
Barak (OS): To the South, the wicked sorceror Santorum twists the minds of his peasants by decrying the evils of sodomy and whore scrolls.
4. Barak seated at his desk, his hand is slamming down on the table. Jobiden stands behind him.
Barak: Don’t these fools understand? While they bicker and play their game of votes, the nation crumbles under the weight of its own indecision.
Jobiden: Patience, my grace. November is Coming.
5. Title Card: Meanwhile, in the Far North.
6. Two canadians wearing the black of the Night’s Watch. Their cloaks are fastened with maple leaves and they are holding Hockey sticks like spears. In the distance, a giant wall of ice can be seen.
Canadian One: So it looks like the yanks are having an election soon, eh? Who you think’ll win?
Canadian Two: Who cares? They’re all a booncha Jerkoffs if you ask me.