Who decides where the "in" spring break is every year? One year it's Cancun, one year it's Miami Beach, one year it's St. Thomas. I would love to be the one to decide, just so I could be like, "yeah, this year it's Cleveland." What professors assign work over break? Don't they understand that it's tough to do the reading during a keg stand? The thing that I am dreading most about the impending good weather is what I call "ugly warm day". You know what I mean the first day that it's warm enough for shorts and tight shirts, everyone wears them regardless of how disgustingly ugly they are. Suddenly, you realize that those puffy North Face coats aren't such a bad thing. You know that "Too Hot For TV" with all the footage of girls stripping during spring break? Their angle is that these are prototypical college girls out on break, and so they advertise it as "the girls next door". I know the girls next door and I can assure you that no one would pay $9.95 to see them naked. I understand that spring is year-round in some places. But in the Northeast, there's snow on the ground right now. My friend just made a snow sculpture of a tropical drink with a little umbrella in it. I hope God appreciated the irony. Like this column? Then buy the book!