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1. Take an ugly, washed out photo of Mark Zuckerberg lighting a billion dollars on fire.

2. Make high-budget Hollywood studio movies about how David Fincher, Aaron Sorkin, and Jesse Eisenberg all rose to the top of their industries at the cost of their souls.

3. Pay a portion of what it would take to get someone to try and explain what Instagram is to my parents.

4. Build the world's best Farmville Farm.

5. Develop a dislike button.

6. Buy a camera and a jar of Vaseline for everyone in the country.

7. All the hot chicks in the world, at the same time.

8. Convert it to Facebook Credits and make Facebucks an actual currency.

9. Give everyone in America $3.00 to apologize for all the times they've violated our privacy.

10. Spend the rest of their lives eating dollar bills for every meal.

11. Pay a staff to run an array of profiles for dead people who would be fun Facebook friends to have.

12. Make a separate Facebook just for babies and pets.

13. Make Google Glasses first.

14. Pay Michael Fassbender to change his name to Michael Facebook.

15. Wait, did they not know that Instagram is free?