Ah, College
"New Stuff in the Fall and Universal Mysteries"

-I've got a new RA this semester. Let's call him Bert. The first day, he told us we could come to him at any time for any reason because he had no social life whatsoever. Like my last RA, he's still a huge dick, but his honesty is kind of refreshing.

-Bert went on to tell us that we could all skip the move-in weekend orientation meetings if we felt like missing the valuable learning experience. I skipped them. I wonder if this works for other things, too, because I wouldn't mind skipping the valuable learning experience of actually GOING to class. Could I just get my degree now?

-I miss the dorm halls I stayed in for summer. These ones are dirtier and they seem a lot more cramped. The hallways make me feel claustrophobic. I saw a fat guy walking down the hall and it looked like a whale giving birth!

-I really appreciate the effort the university has taken to get in touch with the youth here. On all our doors, we have our names written on pictures of Vegeta beating on Goku. Dragon Ball Z? Um, one, I think I'm a bit old for that. And two, c'mon, Goku could totally kick Vegeta's ass.

-They tell us that we shouldn't use the elevator if there's a fire. I don't buy it. Sure, there's always the danger that the fire could damage the elevator and cause you to plunge five stories to your death. But, man, just think how short the lines to get on would be.

-Seems like at least thirty people have come up to me so far and said they talked to me last semester. And whether it was for two hours or two sentences, they expect me to remember them. Look, if not for the cool sign on my door, I wouldn't remember I have a middle name. So don't take it personally if I didn't log our exchange of "hey" into my diary, okay?

-After my third or fourth day here, I really started to wonder how many ways you can make chicken. We've had wings, Montreal, Cordon Bleu, popcorn, tenders, nuggets, and Parmesan. So far, there's only one way they haven't cooked it: Well.

-Why did I schedule a class for myself at 8:15 in the morning? I mean, do I really hate myself that much?

-I dropped Spanish 3 after one class, because I don't remember anything from high school. If I tried to conjugate an irregular verb, I'd probably break my collar bone or something. It's not so bad when you forget the months and numbers in Spanish. But when you have to ask your group partner how to say "of", consider taking German.

-The first day of class in astronomy, the instructor kept jumping up and pointing to identify different parts of pictures on the big screen. You know, somehow I doubt this guy is going to be able unfold the mysteries of the universe to us. I think his first step should be to unfold the mysteries of buying a laser pointer.

-Later the first day, he announced that he wouldn't take attendance and that all notes could be found on the website. Half the class missed the second day. He shrugged it off by saying, "You people who show up are getting something they aren't." What exactly are we getting? Less sleep? Woohoo…

-And if there's no reason to go, why am I still going to that class myself? Speaking of mysteries of the universe…