Ah, College
"Hung over in Happy Valley"

-Well, the big game between Penn State and Nebraska ended about a day ago, so things are finally returning to normal here. Regardless of who won or lost, I think the clear winner here was the alcohol industry. The only difference between a win or loss is what we do with our liquor: Drink it or stick a rag in it, light it, and throw it at a police car.

-Every time I tell someone I'm going to a football game, the person will say, "Oh, maybe I'll see you there." How? That stadium can hold over a hundred thousand people. Next time someone says they plan to live in a city after they graduate, I think I'll say, "Oh, you're moving to a city? Me, too! Maybe I'll see you there…"

-Penn State destroyed Nebraska in the football game. They were outmatched, but I was sure they would win the whole time. You know why? Home field advantage. It's the most important thing. Except in France. They lost the Tour de France and both World Wars. They even lost in the French Revolution when there was no outside competition!

-Throughout the night, I ate eight kinds of chips, drank too many liquids to count, ate half a pizza, inhaled second-hand smoke, drank a little more, and ate about a pound of ranch dip on the chips, and danced and flirted continuously for five or so hours, all on two hours of sleep. That's one thing you learn in college. The only way to live is to take some years off your life.

-I deposited a check the other day. The teller at the bank was quite surprised to find out there was a difference between "depositing" and "cashing" a check. And I wasn't surprised WHATSOEVER that the help wanted sign indicated that no experience was required.

-Last night, I did my first load of laundry. To make sure I did it right, I called my mom. All I wanted were the basics, but she kept telling me how to make my clothes softer or smell nicer or have bright colors. Look, it's my first time. I'd be happy if my clothing just comes out in the same state of matter as when I put it in!

-After a little work, though, the laundry was done. As I put on a clean shirt, I felt a warm, fuzzy feeling from taking my first step into adulthood. It felt good. Seconds later, I realized the warm feeling was from the clothes being in the dryer too long and that the fuzziness was because I forgot to use fabric softener. Crap.

-As I write this, I'm buying plane tickets online. It's cheap, but I'm worried about security. I mean, they can cancel or change my flight at ANY time without even telling me and NOT give me a refund. But they wouldn't do that, right? Or maybe they would. I'm looking at these pictures and I might be wrong, but the guy who owns this company appears to be "the Hamburglar".

-But believe me, to go and see the girl I love, there's nothing I wouldn't do. Yeah, I realize this point wasn't funny. I don't ALWAYS have to be funny. Like, for instance, I can't be funny about "9/11"…

-And lastly, I'm glad "9/11" has passed without any problems. But after a year, I realize the true threat of "9/11": People not giving a YEAR reference with the month and day. I mean, did we learn NOTHING from Y2K?