Ah, College
"The dark side of college"

College can be a bad place. For every good thing you can find, there are probably ten things to whine about (i.e. my last thirty issues). No matter your college experience, no one can totally avoid these things. Except for my last roommate, but I think sleeping eighteen hours a day probably helped.

-Excuses. It sucks to give an honest excuse for missing class and your professor telling you he's "heard it too much before." Why does an excuse's popularity matter? It won't make it any less true. Maybe you'd be better off with creative lies? "I'm sorry I didn't come to class yesterday. I was dead."

-Parents. My parents are cool with what I do here, but I forget that other parents are sometimes not. I have to learn to watch my tongue in front of other parents. "I'm so glad your son came to college here. Before him, I had no one to party…er, pray with."

-Old students. Isn't it weird to see people in classes thirty years older than you? I have no problem with it, but it must suck for professors. Imagine going to school for ten years just so you can call some guy in your class "sir"?

-Bathrooms. Everyone knows dorm bathrooms are filthy. What you might not know is how many rooms qualify as one. Sure, the difference between a bathroom stall and an elevator may seem obvious now, but after a few drinks, people have shown that the line gets very blurry.

Take home message: You shouldn't see your bare feet from September to December and between January and May.

-Faculty friendships. Don't try to be friends with a professor. Sure, it might raise your grade a bit, but not much. Besides, isn't it hard enough to learn the information on tests without having to also learn names of wives, children, and pets?

-Bragging. If you get an A on a test everyone else did poorly on, consider what might happen if you brag. Are the others more likely to, a) be jealous and kick you in the shin, or b) carry you around campus on their shoulders, cheering about your accomplishment? Yeah, so keep it quiet, smart guy.

-Libraries. Campus libraries are a great resource. With all the books there, you could finish a paper in no time. Of course, it's still not as fast as just making up information. For that reason, libraries finish second to tampons on my list of the most useful inventions that I will probably never use.