Hopeless High School Lesson Plan: Voting 101 - Image 1

9:58 am: Accept your reality: You're a single, middle-aged woman teaching high school civics who has forgotten what human warmth feels like.

9:59 am: Weep.

10:00 am: Start of class. Wait for students to take seats and give Tyler back his inhaler.

10:10 am: Say the words "voting can be fun." Wait for laughter to subside.

10:20 am: Say the words "Okay, but seriously, voting is an important way to make your voice heard politically." Wait for laughter to subside.

NOTE: Maybe you feel discouraged, but do not tell the students that you spent a long time working on this lesson plan or otherwise show
weakness. They hunger for that.

10:45 am: Explain that you can vote for things besides the president.

10:50 am: Explain what the president is. Some ways to do this include saying:
    - "The president is like LeBron James, but for government."
    - "We only bomb places if the president wants to."
    - "The president has all the authority of Harrison Ford's character in Air Force One."
    - "The president is black right now, but not usually."
    - "Presidents can get video games before they're even released, probably."

10:55 am: Someone will have stolen Tyler's inhaler again by now. Tell them to give Weak Tyler his inhaler back. (Only try not to say "Weak Tyler" out loud, as Tyler doesn't seem to like that nickname.)

11:00 am: Don't mention that the following things are more enjoyable than voting:
    - Driving a car
    - Falling in love
    - Drugs

11:10 am: Ask if there are any questions about voting. Probably a student will raise his hand and say something like "I'd vote for these nuts," and then point to his genitals. But do you really have the energy to discipline him?

11:12 am: Think about how much better life would be if you'd married Neil from college. He's rich now.

11:13 am: Weep.

11:15 am: Hand out a worksheet. It doesn't even have to be about voting.

11:25 am: Try to think of a movie you can show them next time; they're quiet for movies.

11:30 am: Class is ending. You forgot to collect their homework, but Tyler will probably raise his hand to remind you. The other students will then throw things at him and steal his inhaler. Do nothing to stop this. Weak Tyler knew what he was getting himself into.

11:31 am: Lunch.