-If you haven't noticed, I write a lot of stuff in a short amount of time. I'm not saying that it is all good (which it is), just that I turn out a lot of crap at a rapid tempo. Now, I am not the smartest person in the world and I seem to be having trouble thinking of a new idea for an issue right now. I want something homegrown, something potent, something hydroponic" what? I mean, I want something to do with you, the readers. Why should you care about me? I'm just some asshole in The Bronx babbling about shit. You" you're the real deal out there, and I want to write about you.
-But I don't know any of you really, do I? How can I write about people that I do not know? Well, this got me thinking and the best thing to do when you need to think is drive down to Manhattan, which it did. After getting myself lost a few times, blowing a couple of red lights and transvestites, and generally not obeying the rules of the road, it hit me" use AOL instant Messenger.
-What a brilliant idea! Then I can talk to you guys and see what you're really like. So, I put it to you, the readers, to IM me. No, I DARE you to IM me. "This could be a lot of fun," I began to think as I cut off a cab and threw up my middle finger.
-But what can we talk about? Well, anything really I suppose. I'm not into the whole cybersex thing because last time I tried I got my penis stuck in the CD tray and it cost a lot to fix it (the CD tray, that is, my penis still works %68 of the time). And hey, my dad is a shrink, so maybe I can help you with your problems. Or maybe you need some romance advice? Just ask, I also write a romance advice column for another publication, so I think I'm pretty well versed there too. Perhaps you need some help with your homework? Well, far be from me to brag, but I did do pretty well on my SATs and I took some AP courses in high school, so maybe I can help. Or, you can just IM me to talk about whatever. I only go to class four days a week and spend a lot of time sitting around wondering where else I could be sitting, so the distraction will be nice. Sometimes I even go to the bathroom when I don't have to, just because it is something else to do.
-Here's the catch; whatever you say to me, I might use in an article. I will not use your screen name or any identifying details, but whatever you say becomes public property (I know a lawyer and I think that is true???). Don't worry, I'm not mean, I'm not going to say nasty things to you, I just want to know what all you guys are like, that's all. If you say something clever enough, funny enough, or just plain strange enough, you'll probably be appearing in an article and you can say to all your friends, "see where it says, "'and then this crazy girl tells me, one time I ate a urinal cake on a dare.' He's talking about me!"
-What do you have to lose? Dignity, self-respect, your internet V-card? Who needs "'em? IM me today and say hi. If I don't respond for a while, don't get mad, I'm probably just trying to finish watching the new Girls Gone Wild before I answer you. If I block you, don't be insulted, it just means that you said something very, very odd. And, to be honest, I don't get offended that easily, so I probably won't block you.
-Take a chance. I dare you to IM me. I use AOL instant messenger and my screen name is streeter122. Send me some love, as the girls say and maybe, just maybe, I'll send some back. If you have any questions for me, I'll be honest with you about most of what you ask (so long as you never ask what happened between me and the guy at the zoo" I'll never tell about that). So, let's chat. Streeter122 on AIM. Let's find out just who you guys are. (The more I think about this, it could be a bad idea" oh well, too late now).