-Welcome to NYPD the Gameshow! Where we take real life, law abiding people and ruin their week with a series of ridiculous tickets and stops! Our first contestant is a young comedian and writer for collegehumor.com, please give a warm welcome to Mr. Streeter Seidell! C'mon down here Streeter. So, how do you feel about the NYPD?
"Well, normally, I appreciate them, you know they keep me relatively safe and all."
And have you ever been pulled over by them before?
"Oh no, I try to follow all the rules of the road when I drive."
Well, that doesn't matter anymore! Ok, you are familiar with the rules of the game, so lets begin.
-It's time to play, say it with me audience, "Alternate Side of the Street Parking!!!!!" Ok, Streeter, just reach your hand down inside that bag there and pull out a piece of paper. What does it say? Tuesday!!!! Ok, now you have to tell me which side of the street you can park on Tuesday morning? NOOOO, I'm sorry, the east side is incorrect. It is the west side on Tuesday and the east on Monday and Friday. I'm sorry, that's a $45 summons.
-But let's move onto our next game, it's time for "Illegal Lane Change." Now, I am going to ask you some questions, and you must answer them as truthfully as you can. Ok, here we go. Why are you driving in a bike lane?
"Because I got stuc" ."
Too bad, $90 ticket.
"But I was blocked in by" .."
No way to talk your way out of this one. And, as an added prize, we will make you late for the comedy show you are supposed to be performing in. This puts your summons total for the week at $135. Not bad, but the game is not over yet!
-Our next event is something we like to call "Roadblock." The object of this game is to se how long you can stay stuck in the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel, while we search random cars at the end of it. What's that you say, you're on the way to see a girl you really like in Brooklyn and if you don't get there soon, she won't be able to see you? Too bad. What's that, why don't we search people BEFORE they get in the tunnel to see if they have explosives? Because we didn't think about that! So, while you didn't get a ticket, you missed your one chance to see this girl and had to sit in a 45 minute traffic jam underground! But, don't worry, we still have one more game to come.
-Our final event is called the "Toll Booth Lane." In it, we put you in the Easy-pass lane even though you don't have an easy pass. The bar won't go up for you, so what are you going to do? I see you have selected option number two, call the police officer over to help you. Ok, ok, ok, you have given him $5 for the $4 toll. He's keeping the change, by the way, and what's this? He's writing you another ticket" for $50!
-What a sensational ending to the show! Three tickets and an hour delay! Oh my gosh, we haven't seen this much action on this show for a while. You have accumulated $185 in tickets and have missed your chance at seeing a girl you really like! But hey, who cares about the girl, you don't have any money left to take her out anyway! Wow, well that's all for us here at NYPD the Gameshow. Join us next week when Streeter will be returning to the show for more erroneous tickets and harassment! Buckle Up!