-Uh Ohhhhh, it's time for another edition of the famous Hate List. This weeks issue brings you hate from all people of all walks of life, plus a little from yours truly. I hope you find all these people as angering as I do.-Mine:-Chatty Caf Worker- All I wanted to do was go to the counter and order a goddamned plate of ziti. This shouldn't take to long. It is not as if there is much science behind scooping up a pile of gooey noodles and slopping them down on a plate, is there? Then why did it take five minutes, you ask? Because of the Chatty Caf Worker, that's why. This idiot will stand behind the counter, spoon in hand, and carry on lively conversations with his/her fellow workers while you stand there like an asshole with an empty tray. After about five minutes they will turn to you, look very annoyed, and say "whatcha want." They will then act as if you have caused them some major inconvienience by asking them to simply do their (easy) job. Oh my, I'm so sorry I had to interrupt your thrilling story about how your kid got in a fight at preschool. It is just that I am FUCKING STARVING! Shut your big, fat, dumb mouth for five fucking seconds and give me my goddamned ziti, you dumb fuck" I Hate You!-The Proud Puker- "Holy shit dude, last night I puked, like, 7 times at the bar. And then, when I woke up this morning, I puked, like, another 3 times in my garbage can. And then I puked all over my science book" " SHUT THE FUCK UP! Wow, I'm so impressed by your inability to hold down alcohol. What a talent! This dirtbag knows exactly when, where, and how many times he puked on any given night. That's fine, but I don't understand why he thinks I am interested in this knowledge. Does puking a lot make you cool? No, it doesn't, it makes you a loser. Yet, the Proud Puker still feels like if he tells me about all his vomiting I'll be impressed. Hey asshole, I don't care that you puked, I don't care how much you puked, and I don't care where you puked, so shut your sour-milk-smelling mouth. Puking is not something to be proud of you dumb shit" I Hate You!-Skateboard Imposter- If I told you that I was going to buy some rollerblades and then just carry them around with me everywhere, you'd think I was crazy. However, that is exactly what this douchebag does" only it is with a skateboard. He'll be dressed like a hipster and will always have his useless skateboard under his arm. God forbid he ever tries to ride it! He just carries it around as if to say "hey, look at me. I'm so cool. I have a skateboard and you don't." Hey dickhead, why don't you try riding that skateboard from time to time? It could be fun? A skateboard is not an accessory, it is a device meant to move you from A to B. So put that fucking thing on the ground and ride it around so then I can make fun of you for being that kid that skateboards to class, you fucking poser (oh, there's a good insult from eighth grade)" I Hate You!-Yours:-Reader Katie J. really hates: People that walk around campus using their cell phone as a walkie talkie that "two-way" bullshit. Ok, I'm pretty sure if you want a walkie talkie you can go to WalMart and buy one for like $20, but instead you dipshits buy an expensive cell phone (which by the way is an UPGRADE IN TECHNOLOGY from the walkie talkie) and then feel the need to subject everyone around you to your lame ass conversation. I HATE YOU-Katie also hates: "I just started drinking now that I'm 21 guy" this is the guy that always sat around and watched you get shit-faced through your 3 years of college and once his birthday hits begins to drink like he knows how but he doesn't. He is like a freshman testing his limits and making a complete ass out of himself. It would be tolerable if he was a freshman, but he's 21 -it's just pathetic and sad. Why does god waste the blessing of being 21 on this piece of shit. I HATE YOU!-Reader Andrew W. really hates: The "I have a friend who"- These people can't make it through a conversation without making a reference to some friend back home. Sorry if I'm not as good as your friends back home, and I can't do a 360 dunk in basketball, drink 30 beers in one sitting, leap over buildings, or other superhuman feats. But I'm here damnit and I'm a human being. Show some respect for humble folk like me. You can go flying around the worlds with you extraordinary friends during school breaks, and maybe even suck each other's dicks if you get a chance. I hate you.-Andrew also hates: People who dress like weirdos and think they are geniuses.- Its true many times that the very elite minds of a day and an age will bounce to a different beat. But just because you're weird, don't expect me to treat you like you are some sort of eccentric god. If someone's really smart, sometimes they tend to have strange personal characteristics. But, just because you are a fucking weirdo doesn't mean i have an ounce of respect for you. Get a life, get some friends. I hate you.-Reader Ashley M. really hates: The Class-Cancellers: These are the professors who decide to cancel class at the last minute. It's always the 8 am class where attendance is taken too. The class that I roll my ass out of bed for at 7. Then I get there only to find out that there is no fucking class that day. Now what do I do? There isn't enough time to go back to my room and go to sleep since I have another class at 9:30. I have nothing I need to get done anywhere on campus. NO! I have to fucking sit around with my thumb up my ass for an hour and a half while the damn professor is probably at home sleeping like I should be. So fuck you Sarah Meredith for canceling 3 classes at the last minute this semester and ruining perfectly good sleep time. I hate you.-Reader Amanda B. really hates: that girl in my english class who overpronounces her Ts and wears really short pants. She also says "believe" so it rhymes with "queef." Hey ass clown, your fucking half assed attempt at making a comment could take half as long if you wouldn't insisttttttt on enunciatttting every damn consonanttttt. You also need to buy some pants that fit your short chubby little frame, you fat douchebag. I hate you.-Reader Anna D. really hates: The Fake Sick Shitter: throughout the course of college I have learned something about girls and shitting. Whenever one of my roommates takes a really gross crap they always come out of the bathroom and let out an exaggerated sigh/moan, as if to imply that the smell of their shit isn't just because their shit stinks, but because they are sick. And if you don't ask "what's wrong" they wait approx. 10seconds and then say something like "I am never eating pizza from there again." I just want to shake the shit out of them and let them know that they aren't fooling me! Their shit just stinks. Quit lying you smelly bitches" I hate you.-Reader B.M. (bad initials to have man) really hates: Mr. Im drunk. I hate the person that you talk to online, and they're drunk. They make a point to tell you how drunk they are, and misspell every word. They're also the kid that walks around the halls stumbling and laughing, trying to show everyone that he has consumed some alcohol, and therefore, he is the man. Usually there away messages are clearly misspelled on purpose. If you're going to be that stupid or drunk that you can't correctly spell the word "the", then go blackout in a stairwell and rot
I hate you!-Finally, Reader Jason B. really hates: The Too-Good-For-This-School Kid: This is the kid that constantly talks about how much other schools are better than the one he's in, but won"'t give any reason why he hasn't transferred out of his school already. "Y"' know, _ University has better food than us." "__ University renovates their classrooms every year." "In fact, my dad makes X dollars and can afford to send me to ___ University." I'll only stop hating you once you shut the fuck up and transfer finally.-That's all the hate for now. Keep those Hate Lists coming to firstname.lastname@example.org. This has been another edition of the famous Hate List, brought to you by "streaking" it's like skinny dipping" but on land!"