-Summer is here which means before you know it, summer will be over and it'll be time to go back to school. In case you didn't see the classes you like in my first course catalogue, here are some more.
-RESU 1002-013 Herbal Medicine: Prof. Beall
This class is not about pot. It is not about how to grow pot. It is not about different ways to smoke pot or pot's supposed medical "uses." This class is about ginseng and stuff like that. Get it, hippie?
*Focus: NOT pot.
*Required Texts: "Get Off the Couch, Stoner" Lincoln, Joshua 2002
-MSDU 2565-001 Who Farted?; the Age Old Question: Prof. Plusone
Was it the guy behind you in line? Was it your boyfriend? Was it really the dog this time? These and many other questions will be answered in this open course. Extra Credit symposium: The Dutch people and their oven making techniques.
*Focus: Smelling it and dealing it; the eternal connection
*Required Text: "Poop's Stinky Cousin" O'Connor, Daniel 1998
"He Who Replied Didn't Always Supply; the Dangers of False Blame" Buxton, Benjamin 1993
-AMRU 1515-001 Gatorade: Many Colors, One Taste: Prof. Westall
This sophomore class takes a look at the phenomenon that is Gatorade. Why, if there are so many colors, does it all taste the same? Is Fruit Punch any different from Extremo Mango? Why does it taste a little like eurine? These questions and many more will be answered.
*Focus: Supplying "ade" to the gators.
*Required Texts: "No, It's Not Pee; the History of the Sports Drink." Gavin, Hunter 2001
"The Ades Crisis; Dehydration in Sports." Yenco, Chris 2000
-SPRM 2021-002 Oh Shit!; STDs at College: Prof. Thomas
Oh my god, what the hell is that? Was that there yesterday? Jesus, it's getting bigger. It itches like hell. What should I do? Should I call my boyfriend? Then he'll know about Jake. Oh my God, I hope it's nothing serious. Guest lecture by Motley Crue's Tommy Lee entitled, "I've Had em All."
*Focus: Oops-ee-daisies/one nighters and the walk of shame.
*Required Texts: "Dude, What Does That Look Like To you" Mullowney, Timothy 1972
"Itchy and Bitchy; The Morning After" Tyler, Vanessa 1979
-GMSU 1000-001 Smoking: Is it Still Cool?: Prof. Lee
Smoking has always been cool for high schoolers, but is it still cool in College? Take an exciting ride through the pros and cons of smoking in your late teens and early twenties with this progressive class. Yellow teeth, bad breath, no money = cool?
*Focus: I hate to ask, but can I bum a smoke off you?
*Required Texts: "FeBreeze, Your Only Friend" Marmaduke, Wendell 2000
"Everybody Likes a Winner; Tobacco Companies and the Courts" Hartford, Riley 2004
-CHTU 1001-003 Eastern Philosophy and Other Bullshit: Prof. Tickle
Do you like talking about stuff but not actually doing anything? Then this class is for you. Take an exciting journey through eastern philosophy so you can sound smart and worldly at your next dinner party. Wow guests with such phrases as "while I do see your point, Eastern Malaysian philosophy states that the best way to avoid conflict is by confronting your inner chi through meditation."
*Focus: Being a self-righteous assbag
*Required Texts: "Screw Jesus" Here's Buddah!" Bentson, Hubert 2000
"LOOK AT ME: Satisfying Your Ego" Issac, Tiffany 1997