Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the voting for the first bi-monthly Streety Awards. The Streetys are decided by you, not some overpaid industry "expert" sitting around sipping mochas and lighting Cubans with his intern's hair. Also, the Streetys cover all manner of entertainment while ignoring such awards as "best digital sound editing" and "best use of duct tape on a soap opera set" so you get to the good stuff. Without further ado, here are your nominees for the 2004 Streety Awards.

Funniest TV Show:
1. The Office (BBC)
2. Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO)
3. Reno 911 (Comedy Central)
4. America's Craziest Foreigners (Bronx Public Access)

Funniest Cartoon
1. South Park (Comedy Central)
2. The Simpsons (FOX)
3. Shorties Watching Shorties (Comedy Central)
4. Spongebob Squarepants (Nickelodeon)

Funniest Movie
1. Old School
2. Fahrenheit 9/11
3. Dodgeball; A True Underdog Story
4. Super Troopers (I know it came out a long time ago, but it is just as funny today as then)

Best Reality TV Slut
1. Heidi from "Survivor"
2. Jack Osbourne from "The Osbournes"
3. The Littlest Groom
4. Trishelle from "Real World Las Vegas"

Worst TV Show
1. The Osbournes
2. The Newlyweds
3. VH1's "It's Good To Be" "
4. "Jedi Time" on Blinton public access, Blinton, Oregon.

Most Annoying Song You Used To Like
1. "In Da Club" 50 Cent
2. "Yeah" Usher
3. "This Love" Maroon 5
4. "Spice Up Your Life" The Spice Girls

Best Song You Love To Hate/Hate To Love
1. "Hey Ya" Outkast
2. "Hey Mama" The Black Eyed Peas
3. "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" The Darkness
4. "Pink Houses (Aint That America) John Cougar Mellencamp

Most Annoying Teen Star
1. Lindsay Lohan
2. The Olsen Twins (no, I will not address you separately)
3. Frankie Munitz
4. Hillary Duff

Actress/Songstresses That Should Call Me (if you are one of them, email me for my number)
1. Keira Knightley
2. Ellen Muth (from "Dead Like Me")
3. Fergie (from Black Eyed Peas)
4. Ashlee Simpson (legal?)

Best C-List Celebrity
1. Mario Lopez (Saved By The Bell)
2. Vince Neil (Poison)
3. Ted Nudgent
4. Danny Cooksey ("Budnick" from Nickelodeon's "Salute Your Shorts")

Best Celebrity That Is Fading Away
1. Ashton Kutcher
2. Britney Spears
3. Pharell Williams (of The Neptunes)
4. Christina (Xtina) Aguilera

Dumbest Celebrity
1. Jessica Simpson
2. George W. Bush
3. Kelly Osbourne
4. Jessica Simpson's Mom

Celebrity That Would Most Likely Steal Your Food When You Go To The Bathroom
1. Michael Moore
2. Ruben Studdard
3. Chris Farley (Posthumously)
4. Ken Lay (of Enron)

Most Padunkadunk
1. Beyonce
2. J-Lo
3. Michael Moore
4. Oprah

Most Into Religion To An Irritating Degree
1. Beyonce
2. Stacey Orico
3. Madonna
4. Osama Bin Laden

Best Snaggle-Tooth
1. Jewel

Best Recently Deaceased Celebrity
1. Ray Charles
2. Marlon Brando
3. Katherine Hepburn
4. Michael Douglas' Brother

Best Mask Worn By A Celebrity
1. R. Kelly (Pink Zorro Mask)
2. Michael Jackson (entire face is plastic)
3. Ben Affleck (Poker face to hide gambling problem)

Celebrity Most Likely To Fart And Not Admit It
1. Paris Hilton
2. Omarosa
3. Kelly Clarkson (Blames it on Clay Aiken)
4. Scarlett Johansson

Nerdiest Celebrity Male Who Probably Gets Hot Girls
1. Tobey Maguire
2. Jake Gyllenhaal
3. Elijah Wood
4. Topher Grace

Please email your votes to suxatlife@hotmail.com. When all the votes are tallied, I'll announce the winners.