Rachel M. Kiley
7th Grade History
The Civil War
People from the south of america like to kill people a lot. So back in 1776 they started this war with the other americas who lived up north. They started the war cuz people in the north said they couldn't have slaves anymore. The southners, or dicksees, were really mad cuz they liked to sit around and let all the slaves do work for them. But the northners, or Yankees, couldn't have slaves so they were jealous.
Anyways, the dicksees snuck into boston dressed like Indians and dumped all the tea in some ship into the ocean. That made the Yankees really mad cuz they loved tea and it came from china or somewhere. Then president lincun was really, really mad cuz he loved tea more than anyone and he declared war on his own country.
The dicksees made there own flag called the stars and cars cuz it was on the dukes of hazzard's car. Then they got their own president who was called Jefferson airplane. He hated black people just as much as everyone else who lived down there so he was a good choice for them. But that pissed lincun off even more. Lincun was like "who is this gaylord who thinks hes president?"
At first the dicksees were winning really bad cuz they had a general named Jet Lee. He was this really badass Chinese guy who could do crazy fight scenes and could like walk on trees and water and stuff. The Yankees must have seen some of his movies cuz they could never beat him. But then the Yankees got their own general. General Grant was on the $50 bills before he joined the army. Once they got him he drank a lot but he also killed a lot of dicksees.
There was this really big battle at Gettysburg college where my sister goes. That was farthest north that the dicksees were allowed to go so that's where they fought. Some people say that there was 25 million people dead that day, but its probably more. After that battle president lincun made a speech called the emancipation proclamation. It was really good and really famous. He started it by saying, "fourscore and seventy years ago, are four fathers brought fourth fathers."
Eventually, the dicksees ran out of bullets and had to quit that war. All the slaves got set free and they were all really happy cuz then they were totally ekwill with the dicksees. They had to take down there flag and Jefferson airplane got his house made into a seminary called Arlington. Sadly, president lincun was shot in the head in dallas while riding in a convertible shortly after the war ended.
The civil war was a really good war even though everybody died. It made sure there was no more slaves and made sure we only had one flag.
By Rachel M. Kiley