A Letter To Avril Lavigne
Hey, it's me. Listen, I think we should talk. I just saw you latest video and I'm really worried about you. Let me ask you a quick question; would it kill you to smile every now and then? I understand that you're just living up to your "image," but it gets a little depressing. Frankly, I'm worried.
I've seen this a million times; fame induced depression or FID for short. Sufferers of FID feel that the only way they can be artistic is to look angry all the time. That just isn't the case. Monet and Degas were all smiles and you don't see anyone questioning their artistic prowess, do you? You can beat this, Av, I know you can. I know, I know, it's really hard having millions of dollars (Canadian) and legions of adoring fans, but you're just going to have to suck it up and push through the pain.
Maybe I'm wrong though, maybe you aren't just keeping up with your image. Maybe you have some self esteem issues. Hey, you are a beautiful young lady and any boy would be lucky to call you his girlfriend. Ok? Is it a teeth thing? I know you have some pretty sharp fangs in that angry little mouth of yours but a lot of guys like that. You could do a lot worse; you could have a snaggle tooth like Jewel. How'd you like that? Not too much, I think.
And the wardrobe" Oh, the wardrobe! Depression called" it wants its clothing back. Honey, can we maybe lighten up the color scheme a little? It's not like you're fat and have to wear black to look skinny. There are so many exciting things happening in fashion and you're being left out in the cold. Have you seen GAP's fall line? It's amazing and I think you would look delicious in some lime green clam-diggers with a nice pink halter top. Oh, and they have the cutest shoes over at Payless. How about a skirt too? If you ever want to make boys like you there's no better way than letting them get a peek at the very bottom of your butt. We can't resist it. The ripped jeans and dirty tank top were "neat" for a minute, but let's move on now, ok?
And if we're going to get you some new clothes, let's get you some new makeup too! Believe me, you took a big step with the pink eyeliner. At least now you have a little color somewhere on your body. But the eyeliner isn't enough. I see you with some nice bronzer, maybe a little powder and some sexy lip gloss. I hear Lip-Smacker has a bunch of new flavors that I bet you'll love. Plus, they come on a little rope so you can wear them around your neck!
Avril, all we want is to see you happy. You sing about all this depressing stuff and you look the part too. It doesn't have to be that way. I think with a little color, a little optimism and a little number from Ralph Lauren life will be looking a lot brighter to you. So, cheer up Avril; life isn't that bad. And remember this, "Smile" it's free!"