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By Caldwell Tanner
What You’re Saying with Your Drink Choice
*Scotch: Look at how sophisticated and mysterious I am.
*Whiskey: Wait, is whiskey different from scotch?
*Bourbon: Honestly these all taste terrible and I can’t tell the difference between them
*Tequila Shots: PLEASE VALIDATE MY COOLNESS
*Jåger Shots: I ALSO NEED VALIDATION BUT TEQUILA TASTES GROSS
*Martini: This doesn’t really work if I’m not wearing a tuxedo, does it?
*Vodka + Soda: I’m just trying to get drunk
- Vodka + Diet Soda: I’m just trying to get drunk while pretending I care about my body
*Vodka Red Bull: I’m just trying to get DRUNKER THAN EVERYONE HAS EVER BEEN.
*Vodka Cranberry: I’m a girl.
*Lite Beer: I’m here to party
*Regular Beer: I’m here to have a good time
*Fancy Beer: Why am I even here
*Fancy Cocktail: I’M INTERESTING
*Gin +Tonic: I’m boring
*Bloody Mary: I’m hungover
*Soda: I’m taking one for the team by driving tonight!!
*Water: I’m only here because I’m driving tonight.