Ah, College
"The Universal Language"

It's said that math is the Universal language. In theory, you could go anywhere in the Universe and, in terms of numbers, speak to anyone. Which turns out to be a good thing, because my math professor is not very good at speaking any other language I understand.

English, I suspect, is somewhere around the area of his third language, behind math and what seems to be Hindi.

The class is in total disarray. He asks questions that people can't understand to answer. And when someone is brave enough to venture a guess, he doesn't understand what we say. Somewhere, I'm sure he is writing a humor column about how none of his students can speak English.

I'm sure the parts of it I could actually understand would slay me.

In any case, I'm having a hard time following the class. It's only the second day, yet I feel very far behind. I could understand about as far as, "Hello. My name is…" From there on I've been lost. He seems to be writing a lot of stuff on the board, but for all I know he could be talking about his holidays. Or still telling us his name.

Adding insult to injury, his writing is also incomprehensible. I can't understand him. I can't read his writing. I don't know his story, but I assume his name is mentioned frequently in the origin of "test curving."

Also, the heater in that room is broken and drowns everything else out, but that's another column. (Not really, but I bet it'd be hilarious.)

It's strange that a college professor would not be required to speak English, but not unheard of. After all, Universities are famous for cost-cutting measures. Short of Penn State trying to harvest my organs to sell on the black market, nothing they would do to save money would surprise me.

I'm all for saving money. I just wish that this savings would occasionally trickle down to me. Not much, but let's say if a professor can't speak English, I get a $50 discount on books. And a $125 discount for a teacher that didn't graduate high school. $200 for an ex-convict to teach. Hell, for $500, he could probably hit me a little during lecture.

Sure, it might seem unusual and a little…illegal. But you'd be surprised to see what students would do to save a little money. Though, $500 would be a lousy discount on books, seeing as most people I know are already taking advantage of the $500 discount you get for just not buying them.

I'm upset that my chances of this teacher helping me with something I don't understand are about as good as a dog speaking to a cat. In French. But, as my professor seems to be teaching directly from the book (and, miraculously, is getting some of it wrong) it's not so bad that we can't communicate.

Besides, the one thing I haven't mentioned is that this class is Pre-Algebra. I'm pretty good at Pre-Algebra. At least I was when I first took it over seven years ago. I think I might even still have my notes.

The way I see it, Pre-Algebra's got to be a lot easier to grasp Post-Calculus.