Arrogangsta

"Listen up, y'all. I, George W. Bush, am the dopest prez in the history of dis bitch called America!" That doesn't sound right. Let's try something else. "Check it, nobody can touch my dentistry skillz cuz I be Herman Shwartzman, DDS, SON!" Nope, that doesn't sound right either. One more: "I'm the hottest MC in da game, bitch!" Now that's more like it.

It strikes me as a bit odd the amount of arrogance we tolerate from rappers. There isn't another profession in the world where we allow the people practicing it to go on endlessly about how great they are. When Oasis said they were the best rock band in the world, we lost any respect we had for them. When an athlete claims to be the greatest of all time, we are quick to point out a slew of others who are certainly better. Generally, arrogance is considered a negative personality trait, but when a rapper proclaims that he "got the tightest rhymes," we just accept it.

According to my own research, there are one hundred and twelve rappers who are the all-around best, ninety-eight whose tracks are "tight," sixty-four who have the most "bitches," and fourteen who are hated by other rappers for their "skillz." Hip hop lyrics used to be about things – war, poverty, urban blight, parties, anything – but now rappers just seem to talk about themselves. I can picture an MC sitting down, paper and pen in hand, and racking his brain to come up with just the right lyric to convey his talent for writing successful records. "What sounds better, "'I drop these hits like Bush drops bombs,' or "'I'm droppin' hits like cows drop shit'?"

Yes, Snoop Dogg, we know you're a pimp and we know how to spell your name; there's no need to keep telling us. I get it 50 Cent: you're adored by the ladies, but that's enough for now. Ok, Ja Rule, you're from New York; good for you.

There seems to be a lot of confusion about all of this. You cannot have two people be the best at something, and yet we hear tons of rappers claiming to be the best everyday. They need to sit down and figure out exactly what each rapper is allowed to say about himself. "Aight bitches, listen herrre: I, Jay-Z, call this mizeeting to order. Snoop, you are hereby elected most pimp. Luda, your rhymes is the hottest. Mase, you da most fly," etc. Then, when I hear a certain rapper claim to be the biggest playa, I can say with confidence, "Yes, Big Boi, you are the biggest playa and everyone else agrees. I'm glad we've finally cleared this up."

That, or they could start rapping about something interesting instead. There's only so much you can hear about someone else's bling before you just distance yourself from it. "It's very nice that you have a million dollars in diamonds, P Diddy, but I can't really relate to that, can I? Forget about relating to it; I'm not even learning anything useful. All I've learned from your song is that you have a lot of jewelry" oh, and that you're a "'playa.'"

I think it's time we take a stand against arrogant rappers! I think we need to speak up and say, "Hey, use your rhyming talents for something other than your own glory!" We will decide who has the hottest rhymes and best bitches! Tell me about the ghetto and racism, not about your Navigator and hot tub escapades. I may not have the best flow, I may not have the flyest bitches, I may not even have rims that spin for days, but I do have a limit on my patience. So, to all the rappers that enjoy proclaiming their mastery of a given life skill – whether that be pimpin', hustlin' or just plain rhyme-slingin' – get over yourself.