By Susanna Wolff and Caldwell Tanner
If Comic Conventions Had Warning Signs
GENERAL NOTE: These signs should be placed in backgrounds that somewhat resemble a convention space, kind of like in Rosie’s “If College Was a Zoo” article.
- Bathroom Sign - A Male / Female / Handicap bathroom sign, but the male is wearing a utilikilt and glasses, and instead of a person in a wheelchair it’s a dude wearing a giant Gundam / Evangelion costume.
- A beware of falling rocks sign, but the rocks have been replaced with generic con swag falling out of a bag, sign reads “BEWARE OF SWAG AVALANCHE”
- A children at play sign, but the child is playing a DS. sign reads “LAZY CHILDREN AT PLAY.”
- A “Safe Place” sign, but the instead of holding a child, it’s an adult holding a magazine. Below the current words the sign reads “FOR ADULTS TO HANG OUT WHILE WAITING TO PICK UP THEIR NERDY KIDS.”
- An elevator warning sign that reads” THIS CONVENTION HAS A MAXIMUM DOCTOR WHO COSPLAY CAPACITY OF 42. There should be a bathroom picture style of the 11th doctor wearing a fez and bowtie, but crossed out like with a no smoking-style circle with a line throught it.
- A first aid kit that reads “COSPLAY FIRST AID KIT INSIDE” The picture shows a person reattaching a horn to their head.
- A reserved parking sign that reads “RESERVED PARKING FOR TEENS IN SCHOOLGIRL OUTFITS WHO WANT TO SIT DOWN AND TEXT OTHER TEENS WITH THEIR BEDAZZLED PHONES.”
- A notice sign that reads “NOTICE: CON NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FOLLOWING LOST OR STOLEN ITEMS: BEDAZZLED PHONES, TAILS, EARS, FRIENDS,STAFFS, CAPES, DIGNITY.
- A no smoking sign, but with a person talking loudly and excitedly. People next to him are covering their ears. The sign reads “NO SPOILERS.”
- A biohazard sign that reads “WARNING: BAD SMELLS AHEAD. In smaller font below it reads “IT’S NO ONE’S FAULT, THIS IS JUST WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THIS MANY PEOPLE GATHER IN AN OVERLY WARM WAREHOUSE IN THE DEAD OF SUMMER.”
- A high voltage sign that reads “DANGER: HENTAI!” The high voltage bolt has been replaced with a tentacle.
- A Don’t Tread on Me sign, but with a Furry’s tail instead of a snake.
- A Don’t Feed the Bears sign that reads “DON’T FEEL THE BOOTH BABES.” In smaller font it reads “SERIOUSLY THAT’S ILLEGAL, DON’T.”
- A security guard on duty sign that reads “BORED SECURITY GUARD ON DUTY: WARNING! HE DOESN’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE DRESSED AS AND DOESN’T CARE.”
- A stop sign that reads “Do not STOP to read your phone in the middle of the con floor.”