Hi everyone, welcome to the twenty-eighth installment of the Famous Hate List. This week we see vicious hate coming in from all over the known world including such places as America, Canada and Delaware" how exotic!
Remember, you can let your anger out in this fine volume. Just email your hate list to Streeter@streeterseidell.com and let the world know just who pisses you off! Please include your name, last initial and school.
Johnny the Juke Box Critic: I happen to be very fond of music: I play it, I listen to it and I've even been known to fornicate to it from time to time. So naturally, when I go out, I like to hear some of it. Luckily, my local bar has a new e-cast jukebox and you can download any song you want, giving me free reign to play any cheesy, sappy or rocking tune I wish. However, there is always someone there to make me second guess my choices: Johnny the Juke Box Critic. He hangs out behind you carefully watching your every selection, and then weighs in on your choices. "Dude, you serious? How could you play Skynryd at this bar?" "Oh come on, man, Meatloaf?" First of all Johnny, I don't even know who you are. That alone makes me not give half a shit about what you say. Second of all, I'm placing 30 to 1 bets that you're gonna step up after me and put Evanescence on, so I don't really trust your opinion. Third of all, isn't there a lonely bullet somewhere that really misses your head? Go find it, you fucking tool. Keep your dumb mouth shut when I approach the jukebox and let me pick my songs in peace, you lonely bastard. Die" please. I Hate You!
Friendly Fred: It seems like every time I go out with a girl and that isn't that often, by the way there is always someone trying to horn in on my company. It happens with my girlfriend, it happens with my female friends and it even happens with my Mom sometimes. There I am, enjoying good conversation with a lady, drinking fine spirits and singing merry tunes when it happens: Friendly Fred rears his ugly, zit-dotted head. "Hey, what are you guys talking about?" Well, Fred, if we knew you or cared to share it with you, then you'd already know, wouldn't you? Who is this asshole? He comes out of nowhere, slides up to your table or spot at the bar and introduces himself like we've been sitting here saying, "God, I just wish we could meet some ugly loser tonight" Please, God, just this once?" Of course, he immediately ignores me after the introduction and focuses his attention on my lady friend. Am I that un-intimidating? Do people just look at me and go, "Oh, I could snag that dude's girlfriend without even trying"? No" well, I hope not, anyway. Fred, go find yourself a friend to talk to and stop trying to thrill my friends with your stories about all the funny stuff that happens at Home Depot when you go to work. You're a fucking loser and, if you didn't notice, my lady friend is not at all interested in talking to you. Maybe come back when you clear up that boil on your neck and you may have better luck, you worthless dirtbag. I Hate You!
Reader Chris really hates: i hate girls who say they will let u videotape them and then punk out at the last second" i hate u.
(Author's Note: Definitely a drunken hatelist submission sent after a disappointing night)
Reader David G. at Texas State really hates: I hate this hate list. I didn't subscribe to this column so I could read endless bitching from attention-seeking whores who cream themselves at the first chance they get to voice their moronic opinions in a public forum. You're not funny and you're not original. If you're so desperate for attention get a fucking blog and force your dumbass friends to read it. I'm not your friend and I don't give a shit about who you hate. Leave the writing to Streeter because I'm sure most of you have a tough enough time just reading the column, let alone trying to compose a complete sentence.
Reader Paige S. at Purdue really hates: Righteous Republican Rob. According to Rob, being a liberal means that I live with my parents, don't work, and don't pay taxes.
Well, Rob, I like most other liberals I know don't live with my parents I work 40 hours a week, pay for my own education, AND pay taxes. No one pays my bills, and I don't hate capitalism. I only hate people like you. I especially love how all liberals are merely "uneducated." That statement is not only ludicrous, but it's also just plain ignorant. If the only way for you to cope with others having different opinions and beliefs than your own is to say that they're uneducated, then that's your loss. I certainly don't envy your life of narrow-minded stupidity. While you continue to shake your head with your nose super-glued to your Bible, the rest of us can actually make a contribution or two to society. Rob, I really, really hate you!
Reader Adam L. at Case Western Reserve University really hates: people who support Free healthcare and increased welfare. 1) Taxing working people more heavily in order to provide care and services for those who can't afford it themselves. 2) A theoretical economic system characterized by the collective ownership of property and by the organization of labor for the common advantage of all members. Number one is free healthcare and welfare. Number two is the definition of communism strait from webster's dictionary. People who support such government programs are destroying what the western nations used to stand for and leading us into a society were everyone is treated the same despite personal ability or effort. You aren't compassionate towards those less fortunate, you are communists. Dirty Red Commie Bastards. And before you call me a trust fund republican, I was raised in a one income family making less than 60k a year, so shut the fuck up.
(Author's Note: There is no need to be afraid of communists anymore; that went out with snap bracelets)
Reader BJ from Washington University really hates: I really hate those fucking liberal hippies in the Northwestern corner of USA, especially in Seattle and Bellingham, those fuckers who think they can save the world. Those fuckers who protest agasint George Bush. Well guess what bitches, no matter how much you will be protesting wasting money you fuckers will never change anything. You fuckers don't have nothing better to do with your time, and you are hippies because you think it's cool. I fucking hate you fucking pykies. You hippies wear ragedy ass clothes by protesting wall mart and other corpoartaion, you don't flush toilets, and your not helping anyone. "I-wear-no-shoes-because-i-want to-be-closer-to-earth." Bitch get yourself some shoes cuz you dirty motherfuckers are polluting yourselves and the dorms and the people surrounding you. Why do you stink so much? Let me guess: because you haven't taken a shower this morning by trying to save some water. Well i hope you get some bactreail diseses from being so dirty and die. For fella hippies shave your fucking beard; its nasty and you look like a homeless bitch. i dont even know why you go to school; your just wasting your time and money. I don't think you will get a job after school with your current lifestyle; most people invest in education while you fucking waste it. You think it's cool to smoke weed because your protesting the goverhment and you think it's natural shit. Well i hope your fucking brain cells will all get killed and i hope that you will become a fucking retard by the time you finish school, so i can come and visit you in a mental institution. As far as lady hippes shave your god damn legs; you are so ugly shave your fucking self. You will never get a real man, you bitches will always be single listenting to your fucking Bob Marley. I got news for you: for every mile you walk i drive 100 in my SUV. In fact i'm thinking of buying a Hummer after i become an ivesment banker. In addtiong, im thinking of opening a sweatshop in Vietnam and paying 10 year olds 2 dollars a day. Yes by doing that i will save them from child prostitution and i will be paying them 70% more then they would be making otherwise if it wasn't for me. If you were acting like this in Pakistan you would get your balls cut off. You better be fucking happy to live in America, and breath fresh air and bitch about Bush, cuz if you were living somewhere else in the world and you would bitch about a president, your ass would rot in fucking jail. WORLD TRADE IS GOOD!! it makes poor countries richer; foreing invesment is a good thing. I wish the cops would have broken all your fukcing bones during the WTO protest in SEATTLE. You hippes are just bunch of fucking retards; perhaps you chose this life style because you are ugly and you can't get accepted in the society, so you do everything opposite. All you fucking "TOFU Eeating Punkasses": I fucking eat horse meat in Russia, i slaughtered a sheep when i was fucking 12. I wish the government would ship all of you out to some 3rd wold country and we will see how you will survive there. Anyway i got to go so if you fucking hippes have anything to say back to me you can email me at email@example.com; in fact i encorge you to come to me say something back. OHH i'm scared of your nonviolent moves, fucking DIE. It's nothitng personal, it just that i FUCKING HATE YOU.
(Author's Note: This is getting very political. What ever happened to hating fat chicks?)
Reader Matt at Ohio U. really hates: asshole wannabe high school teacher professor. This assclown thinks that seating charts and mandatory attendance policies are cool. Well I don't know if you didn't get the memo ass hat, but this is college, I don't pay $15000 dollars a year to be told I have to go to class. Your American History class is easy as fuck so why should I waste my time going? Does it piss you off that I can skip your class 95% of the time and still get an A? What's that you say? America was founded by Christopher Columbus? Wow that's fucking insightful; no, I guess you've never heard of Leif Eriksson or maybe the pacific islanders or possibly the Egyptians. You are a fucking moron; the only thing you are qualified to do is home school your moron kids. Fuck yourself with a baseball. I fucking hate you.
(Author's Note: That's more like it)
Reader TJ at Ohio really hates: Riot Starting Ricardo. This is the guy who shows up at the frat party, who knows nobody but his other non-english speaking amigos
(I'm not racist at all, but these are the people that noone knows are leeching off of our beer). He wears his damn FUBU or ROCAWEAR and is always seen near the bar oogling chicks. Now I may not be a mad player, but one way to NOT pick up chicks is to make comments such as, "Damn, I fuck her man," while staring at her boobs while you know she is watching. When this guy realizes the beer is gone, all hell breaks loose. Him and his posse start unloading upon innocent party goers, raiding the fridge, and going on a man hunt for more beer. An hour later the cops are present, cars are smashed, kids are in the hospital, and a lot of people are pissed off. You are a fucker and need to either a)learn english (its America), b)meet some kids at the party you are at, or c)go be El Guapo in wherever the hell country you came from. (El Guapo is from the Three Amigos movie)
Reader Sully V. really hates: the LIKERS. These people say "like" every fucking sentence at least. Ex: Like, i was at the store and there was like this cool ass noun and i wanted to buy it, but i like, forgot my money. Like is supposed to be used only in the way as I LIKE SOMETHING, or as a comparison and it should never take the place of an ummm. Either way, you're gonna sound LIKE a fucking idiot rug muncher! And not the good way! I mean just LIKE your retarded cousin/brother/family member who believes that the carpet is a fuckin pile of fudge. I LIKE, TOTALLY FUCKING HATE YOU!
Reader Marissa D. really hates: the Bitchside Wiggers- those stupid upper middle class white boys who pimp out their cars and deal drugs and spend a shitload of money on clothes to look ghetto and poor. I've got news you for you, guys you live in the suburbs, not the fucking projects! So you can stop cruising around town blaring your stupid sound systems and treating girls like shit. There's already a word for you wigger. Oh, yeah, and I really hate you!!!!
Reader Chris W. at Kansas State U. really hates: Mother Nature. this vindictive bitch teases me with 50 and 60 degree days in january and february. of course these are the days that i have to be stuck at work after class. so i make a promise to myself: since it's so nice out right now, tomorrow or the next day i will get friends together and go play golf, frisbee, football, whatever. i get all excited to spend time outdoors and then the one day i don't work rolls along and guess what? that fucking whore mother nature has dropped the temperature back around the teens and dumped an assload of fucking snow on the ground. I FUCKING HATE SNOW! my rear wheel drive truck handles with all the grace of a fat girl on roller skates on snow. so to you mother nature, you mother whoring fucking cunt, I extend my middle finger high in the air and wait until spring, when of course, you'll just dump rain on us all the time. fuck you, you slut. I fucking hate you!!!
Reader Irene at George Washington U. really hates: Girls who look down on me for having lots of guy friends in frats, because obviously that means I must be banging all of them because I get into brothers-only nights. These are the same girls who then show up to the big parties, drink all the beer, flirt with the guys for five minutes, and then leave to go stay the night at their boyfriend's dorm. Yeah, I'm actually friends with these people; I don't need to fuck anyone to get a beer. Don't talk shit about me and then sacrifice your dignity at a frat party to get a couple natty lights for the guys you brought with you. I'm not the whore, you are. Damned gossipy sluts, I hate you.
Irene also hates: The person who has to sit in the hall 24/7 talking to their significant other back home. Seriously, a guy on my floor keeps his charger in a socket in the hallway. I'm forced to hear his whiny, bitchy voice every night when I walk home drunk from a club/bar/party, and he gives me a dirty look for walking past him and causing him to move his legs so I can stumble into my room and sleep. SORRY, but I had a good night partying and seeking out beer and boys, while you acted like a little pussy and sat on your ass crying to your little girlfriend about how much you miss her and how you would die if she ever broke up with you. Hello? If I listened to 5 minutes of your bitching, I'd be banging someone else so fast you wouldn't have time to remove the phone that's glued to your damn ear! So if this chick is doing the same thing on the other end of the line, then she's a whiny ass bitch too. Get a life, get off your phone, let me go to bed drunk, and by the way I HATE YOU
Reader Salma H. from Canada (see, I told you I had hate from Canada) really hates: the overly-accomodating liberal, especially at christmastime. yes, I'm brown. yes, i'm muslim. but y'know what? I don't give a shit if you want to celebrate christmas or not. it's your right to, so go ahead! have fun! do all those things you people do to celebrate christ, i don't care! i don't pull this nonsense when eid comes around, so why should you? hell, i wished you a merry christmas! and for the record, i didn't wanna go to the school's christmas party because i didn't want to hang out with you fools on a friday . not because i was offended at it not being referred to as a "holiday party." making a huge show of changing the name not only guilted me into coming [thereby calming your white guilt], but it made me hate you just that much more.
Reader Chris M. at Temple U. really hates: "It's just my time of the month bitch." That's right, I hate every girl that get their period at the worst possible times. So this bitch that lives two hours away has been telling you if you visit her at college she'll let you do anything to her, but of course when you show up it's like a gutted deer down there. Then, there is the girl who you've been hanging out with for a good two-three weeks
("'cause no one girl can maintain anyone's interest for longer than that in college, unless your nickname is Hoover) and every time you try and fuck her it's her time of the month.
Thus, I have created a new innovative ways for guys to get back at these possibly std free girls (slim chance, but we'll give them credit) Anal sex (it's not so new, but it's tighter!). And if they don't agree to it, throw some Snuggle in their drink (yea, it's used in GHB date rape). Never guessed that cute little bear could do that to ya, huh bitches? So ladies, you're either going to be attending Sexual Assault Clinics or you can start fucking us.
(Author's Note: Not the best way to get a date)
READER ON READER HATE:
Reader BJ from Washington U. really hates: people who write entries for the hate list to complain about other people when they can't fucking spell. I personally feel you have no right to talk shit about people when you spell every other fucking word wrong. You are just making yourself look like a fucking moron. YOU ARE IN COLLEGE and should really know how to spell words like addition (not addtiong) and nothing (not nothitng) and bacterial (not bactreail). So please, next time you have the urge to bash other people use the fucking spell checker or maybe your brain because you learned to spell this shit in first grade. Go to hell, I hate you.
BJ also hates: David G. from Texas State. You are an unbelievably hypocritical piece of shit. Please DO NOT bitch about how much you hate the people who write for this hate list and then do it your fucking self. You have absolutely no right to call the people who write in "attention-seeking whores" when you are doing the same goddamn thing. If you don't like it, then don't read it. Nobody is forcing you to. So just do yourself a favor and crawl back into the hole from which you emerged because you suck at life, and I hate you! PS. Since the hate list is so moronic and you don't care who we hate then I really hope you aren't reading this, but if you are you suck even more and I hope you die.
Well, that's all we've got for now. But make sure to come back and check us out again because, like herpes or the guilt you feel for drowning your neighbor's cat ten years ago, the Famous Hate List never goes away. Contribute by emailing your hate to Streeter@streeterseidell.com and let it all out. Check out streeterseidell.com for hate list entries as they come in!