Hated watching 2 groups I love (comedians and feminists) viciously attack each other this week. Next week it's game designers vs my parents!— Adam Conover(@adamconover) July 14, 2012
Hated watching 2 groups I love (comedians and feminists) viciously attack each other this week. Next week it's game designers vs my parents!
They don't call it "nihilism" for nothing! Oh wait. Shit.— Andrew Bridgman (@AndyBridgman) July 15, 2012
They don't call it "nihilism" for nothing! Oh wait. Shit.
WEIRD BUT TRUE: The average human swallows up to 9 dogs per year, mostly during sleeping hours.— H. Caldwell Tanner (@caldy) July 16, 2012
WEIRD BUT TRUE: The average human swallows up to 9 dogs per year, mostly during sleeping hours.
I feel such a strong connection to my ancestors when I use Irish Spring in the shower. It's like I can almost hear them asking what soap is.— Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) July 19, 2012
I feel such a strong connection to my ancestors when I use Irish Spring in the shower. It's like I can almost hear them asking what soap is.
I'm a lady on the street but a freak in most social situations— Hallie Cantor (@halliecantor) July 19, 2012
I'm a lady on the street but a freak in most social situations
For sale: baby shoes, never worn. Idiot diva baby wants "better" ones.— Tom Philip (@tommphilip) July 16, 2012
For sale: baby shoes, never worn. Idiot diva baby wants "better" ones.
My phone's autocorrect is working too well. Every text I send after 2AM is corrected to "somebody please love me."— Ben Kling (@benkling) March 27, 2012
My phone's autocorrect is working too well. Every text I send after 2AM is corrected to "somebody please love me."
Every time I accidentally type ".vom" instead of ".com" I imagine I'm a sassy teen girl. "Uh, Gmail? Yah Tiffany, more like gmail dot vom."— Dan Gurewitch (@DanGurewitch) July 15, 2012
Every time I accidentally type ".vom" instead of ".com" I imagine I'm a sassy teen girl. "Uh, Gmail? Yah Tiffany, more like gmail dot vom."
I've never played spin the bottle, but I've played "low self esteem at closing time" so I think I get the jist.— mah ree nah (@marinarachael) July 13, 2012
I've never played spin the bottle, but I've played "low self esteem at closing time" so I think I get the jist.
"Baby got back" – spoiler ending of "Baby's Day Out"— Will Stephen (@will_stephen) July 15, 2012
"Baby got back" – spoiler ending of "Baby's Day Out"
anyone's final words "adieu, adieu" and then checking the 'remember me' box on twitter? anyone?— Julie Shain (@julieshain) July 19, 2012
anyone's final words "adieu, adieu" and then checking the 'remember me' box on twitter? anyone?
Live your life so that yourself age 15 wants to grow up to be you.— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) July 19, 2012
Live your life so that yourself age 15 wants to grow up to be you.
Congrats to Breaking Bad for beating out the major competitors in its timeslot: Drinking To Fall Asleep and a rerun of Masturbation.— Jesse Eisemann (@eisemann) July 19, 2012
Congrats to Breaking Bad for beating out the major competitors in its timeslot: Drinking To Fall Asleep and a rerun of Masturbation.
"'Quirky hats and tiny backpacks? Whoa!' Mr. Darcy said, tightening the leather jacket around his waist." – Pride and Prejudice and Blossom— Saj Pothiawala (@sajpo) July 12, 2012
"'Quirky hats and tiny backpacks? Whoa!' Mr. Darcy said, tightening the leather jacket around his waist." – Pride and Prejudice and Blossom
Guys, I barricaded the door with barbells. We're safe in here unless any of these zombies can squat a mean five-hundo- oh… OH NOOOO!— Owen Parsons (@owenBparsons) July 19, 2012
Guys, I barricaded the door with barbells. We're safe in here unless any of these zombies can squat a mean five-hundo- oh… OH NOOOO!
Why is it OK to read 50 Shades of Grey on the subway but NOT OK to read Hustler while rubbin' at your junk?— Brian Murphy (@chmurph) July 19, 2012
Why is it OK to read 50 Shades of Grey on the subway but NOT OK to read Hustler while rubbin' at your junk?
Breaking: #BritishOpen tournament thrown off schedule when British players confuse Tee Time with Tea Time.— Hesley Harps (@HesleyHarps) July 18, 2012
Breaking: #BritishOpen tournament thrown off schedule when British players confuse Tee Time with Tea Time.
The Gremlins were just like The Muppets except they replaced every good feeling with a bad one.— Kelly Hudson (@citizenhudson) July 19, 2012
The Gremlins were just like The Muppets except they replaced every good feeling with a bad one.
Spoiler Alert! Batman turns his mom into a bear.— Dan Siegel (@dssiegel) July 18, 2012
Spoiler Alert! Batman turns his mom into a bear.
Life is what happens when you're busy thinking of witty things to tweet— Streeter Seidell (@streetseidell) July 16, 2012
Life is what happens when you're busy thinking of witty things to tweet