Before the start of the Olympics, the Lebanese Judo team refused to share practice space with the Israeli Judo team during their allotted gym time. Here were their other important demands.


Leaked: Lebanese Judo Teams Official list of demands - Image 1

Snack

During snack break, give us snack first.

If animal crackers, the Lebanese Judo team calls dibs on all the lion, bear, zebra, gorilla and tiger shapes. If the Israeli Judo team insists on snack, give them the sheep ones.

Okay but first, break the sheep animal cookies so they can't tell that they're sheep animals.

Tell them they were sheep animals so the Israelis don't think they got lions or anything.

With regards to juice, the Lebanese Judo team adamantly insists on apple. NO juice for the Israeli team.


Olympic Village Sleeping Arrangements

The Lebanese Judo team insists on top bunks for naptime. No wait, bottom bunk. No top bunk. What did the Israeli team want? Top bunk?

The Lebanese Judo team demands the top bunk.

In a separate room obviously.

The Israeli Judo team still gets bottom.


Recess

The Lebanese Judo team officially demands the monkey bars. This is NON-NEGOTIABLE. If the Israeli Judo Team wants the monkey bars they can SU-

Addendum: The Lebanese Judo team officially demands exclusive access to the swings.

Addendum: slide.

Addendum: monkey bars again

Addendum: swings

Addendum: hopscotch area

Addendum: the recently made hopscotch area

Addendum: chalk.


Competition

The Lebanese Judo team resolutely and irreversibly insists on the GOLD MEDAL for Judo and for all categories. That is because the Lebanese Judo team is really good at Judo and wants all gold medals really badly and worked hard for it so yeah. All gold.

The Lebanese Judo team insists that the Olympics people give the Israeli Judo team the bronze medal.

For sucking.

And then okay tell them that actually it was a mistake they didn't even get any bronze medal after all and give it to someone else. HA

WE GET ALL THE GOLD MEDALS.

Yes, of course the sucking one too. ALL GOLD.