Study Abroad Tips for My Sister

Guess what? I have a little sister. I bet not many of you knew that, did you? You won't find her on facebook or myspace either, so stop trying" dirtbag. Anyways, my kid sister is about to embark on a semester long trip to Australia and I can't miss this opportunity to give her advice she doesn't want, can I?

Heidi, I know you're leaving the United States for a while so take it from me, your well-traveled big brother, that"

…Canadians aren't as nice as they pretend to be.

…As an American, you are allowed to talk twelve decibels louder than anyone else.

…Your money is good as gold although much, much lighter.

…If you get in trouble with the Australian government, your best bet is to threaten to tell the US government that there's oil there.

…health care is free in Australia, so get sick all you want.

…though he looks harmless on TV, the Crocodile Hunter can turn on you without any warning.

…if you need to call me I'll always be home. But if I'm not you just wasted about $39.

…wearing an American flag bandanna is not the wisest wardrobe decision.

…foreign men are filthy and repulsive. If you simply must make out with someone I hear aborigines are tremendous kissers.

…even though Australians seem like nice people they're the ancestors of ruthless, dangerous criminals.

…You will never beat a kangaroo in a boxing match unless you really, really want it.

…Our father will make some sort of "study abroad"/"study a broad" joke at some point.

…None of your friends will want to hear your study abroad stories when you come home.

…Ordering a Fosters in Australia is like ordering a salad at McDonalds…it's just not right.

…The bloomin' onion you love so much at Outback is not a featured item at most Australian restaurants.

…Joking about a dingo eating someone's baby isn't as funny there as it is here.

…You'll never have this opportunity again, so feel free to waste as much of our parents money as you can.

" If you come home an avid didgeridoo player the family will disown you.

…nobody likes an ugly American, so wear your nicest clothes whenever you go out.

…some words may be different in Australia than they are here. For instance, what you call a "bathroom" they call a "toilet." And what you call "a barren desert" they call "home."

…you should never try to copy their accent. You'll sound about as convincing as me trying to tell Mom I had a salad for lunch today.

…no matter what happens, you'll always have Dad's credit card number memorized.

…You don't need to buy my a Christmas present, you need to buy me three, you spoiled brat.

And finally, know that above all else…

…I'll miss you.

Have a great time Heidi!